Posted by
M L Kerr

This article contains sexually explicit content.

To paraphrase former US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, it’s not always easy to define hard-core pornography, but I know it when I see it. And boy, have I seen it (and seen it and seen it again). Odds are, you have too. After all, why else would you be reading this? In fact, there are a whole lot of people contributing to the nearly 100 billion dollar worldwide porn machine—including plenty of folks you wouldn’t think.

We’re All Porn Consumers Now

There is some evidence that those who are the most vociferous anti-porn crusaders may be its most rabid consumers. In 2009, Benjamin Edelman, an assistant professor at Harvard Business School, analyzed anonymous credit card transactions and found that eight of the ten top porn-consuming states in the US were religious and politically conservative. The biggest watchers? Mormon Utah spanked the competition with 5.7 porn subscriptions per 1,000 residents. Also stroking their way into the top ten were fundamentalist Christian strongholds such as Mississippi, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana and West Virginia. “Some of the people who are most outraged turn out to be consumers of the very things they claimed to be outraged by,” said Edelman of the findings. So, the next time your Southern Baptist cousin starts railing against porn, its mind-rotting effects, its ability to destroy the fabric of America and its undermining of traditional family values, just give her a knowing wink. (Seriously, that girl is a F-R-E-A-K.)

Porn Nation

The point is, most of us are watching porn—whether we are willing to admit it or not. A  2011 survey found that three percent of Americans copped to watching porn at work, but an investigation from the previous year found that the number was likely much higher: ten times higher, in fact. In March 2010, the Nielsen Company came out with a report that showed 29 percent of adult American workers had accessed adult websites on their work computers in that month alone. That’s 21 million Americans who are slacking off—and  whacking off—on the job. However, there is some evidence that porn may be coming out of the closet (and from between the mattresses). After all, adult film stars including Jenna Jameson, Tracy Lords, and Sasha Grey have all become household names in recent years. Some actors, like Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy, are, dare I say, beloved by millions.

Just the F*cts

Besides its ability to tap into our deepest desires and most hidden fantasies, porn captivates us in ways that few other things do. We, quite literally, can’t look away.

Some recent findings:

• China, with $27.4 billion dollars spent annually (as of 2006) is the world’s largest porn consumer, followed by South Korea ($25.7 billion—the highest per capita users), Japan($20 billion) and the US ($13.3 billion). No other countries come close…so to speak.
• Every day, 25 percent of all search engine requests are for adult content (68 million).
• Each second, more than $3,000 is spent on pornography. (Not included in that stat are the multitudes watching for free!)
• Women make up nearly one third of visitors to pornographic web sites and two thirds of women admit to watching pornography. (In addition, women are much more likely to act on their erotic fantasies than men are including having casual sex, multiple partners or affairs).
•  The US is, far and away, the world’s top porn producer. Eighty nine percent of adult web pages are created in the US. (By contrast, Germany–the second largest producer–generates four percent, while Great Britain is third with three percent.)
• In the US, the highest income earners are also the biggest porn purchasers, with those making over $75,000/year accounting for 35 percent of the adult market.

What’s Between the Sheets (and What’s Not)

We each have our pervy proclivities and preferences when it comes to smut. One person’s foot fetish is another’s creampie. In fact, there are so many different categories of porn that an all-inclusive list would be longer than John Holmes’ schlong. Therefore, in the interest of clever-naming, I’ve culled the kinky categories down to what I call “The Dirty Dozen.” Each of these 12 includes several different sub-genres (for instance “Orgies” and “Threesomes” can be assumed to be part of  “Group Sex,” while “Facials” and “Bukkake” fall under “Cum Shots”). I’ve purposely left out certain types of porn, including scat and sounding, because a.) the numbers of people who are into these activities are relatively tiny and b.) WTF? Likewise, I’ve excluded exploitative kinds of pornography such as kiddie-porn, snuff porn and bestiality. If one or more participants in a particular type of act can’t give their consent it’s not sexy, it’s a sickness. Seriously, dude, get some fucking help. I’ve also left out masturbation and straight sex because, well, they seemed a little too vanilla to make the cut.

A Handy Viewer’s Guide to Pornography

Repeat after me: porn is fantasy. Face it, if you’re a pizza delivery guy, you’re not going to keep your job very long if every time you show up with a pie, a hot MILF decides she wants your pepperoni instead. There are lots of places online where you can turn your kinks into reality—FetLife and Adult Friend Finder come immediately to mind—but that’s not what I’m talking about here. No, the type of material I’m concerned with is the usual mano y hando stuff. (Or, if you’re lucky, you’re watching with a special friend—think of it as a dinner date with neither the dinner nor the dating.) Let’s just agree that the vast majority of porn is produced with male masturbation in mind. (Although female-centric porn is surging as women become more comfortable admitting their interest in sexually explicit materials aimed at them. See “Female Friendly” below.)

Here are some tips to make porn—and, therefore, real-life—more pleasurable:

• Most porn stars are professional actors. They are paid to keep in shape, move their hair out of the way during close-ups and, generally, look and fuck better than anyone you’ll ever meet in real life. Also, because they’re actors, they’re acting. If you expect to get a girl off 14 times in one session using just your 10” cock, you are going to be sadly disappointed (as will she when she finds out your member is only between five and seven inches long fully erect—the average size of 87 percent of dudes’ dongs).
• Porn is for arousal, not education. If you want to learn about what real sex is like, take a class.
• On the Internet, porn is forever. If you decide to make your own vids (and who am I to tell you not to)—or someone tries to talk you into letting him film or photograph you—remember that your future in-laws, employers and Southern Baptist cousin are all watching.
•  Most porn stars don’t use condoms. You should.
• Don’t expect your partner to perform like Bree Olson. Chances are, in real life, Bree Olson doesn’t even perform like Bree Olson.
• Mix up your viewing habits once in a while. If you get stuck on one genre, you may find that that’s the only way you can get off away from the keyboard and, if your genre of choice happens to be anime, well…

The Dirty Dozen

There’s more porn online than you can, umm, shake a dick at (believe me, I’m only maybe a tenth of the way through and I’ve been watching for years).

Here are the staples of porn along with some of the best places to find them:

Amateur  

This is the genre for those who like to keep it real. It includes girl-next-door, swinger, outdoor, all-natural, public, point of view (POV), party and, hell, let’s toss BBW (Big Beautiful Women) in for good measure. Basically, amateur porn covers everything that isn’t professionally produced in a studio in California. If you like your smut sanitized and your boobs fake, look elsewhere. There’s plenty of straight sex here too…you know, if you’re into that sort of thing. To get in on some amateur action start with Mofos, GF Revenge or YouPorn.

Anal 

Some men are afraid to admit they’re into anal sex because they think it may mean they’re gay. Not to worry, says popular sex advice columnist Dan Savage (who actually is gay); you’re only gay if you enjoy watching men have anal sex with other men. If you like watching girls taking it in the pooper, you’re definitely straight—a gay dude would never be down with that. If her rear is something you can get behind, scoot your ass over to these sites: Butt Man, Porn Stars Punishment and Let’s Try Anal.

BDSM

Whether you’re a dom, sub, top, bottom, switch or leather fetishist, you’ve come to the right dungeon. This is the category for cock ring enthusiasts, nipple clamp adherents and femdom wannabes. Slaves and masters of all stripes get into BDSM for the whips, leashes, ropes and handcuffs; as well as the power play that goes along with the props. If you like a little pain and humiliation with your pleasure, get caught red-handed at Device Bondage, Hogtied and Fucking Machines.

Blowjob 

Remember Deep Throat? Of course you don’t, but you’ve certainly seen what it has spooged. Deep Throat was the 1972 film starring Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems that was supposed to bring porn into the mainstream. Instead, it generated loads of controversy as well as an obscene number of obscenity trials. Oh well, fortunately these sites don’t suck…or do they? Street Blowjobs, Throated and Cock Choking Sluts.

Cum Shots                         

It’s ironic that the scene in a porn film when the guy ejaculates outside of a girl (usually in her face or on her tits or ass) is known as the “money shot,” as men in porn are paid a pittance of what their female counterparts make. So, maybe we don’t really give a shit about the guys, but any dude who can come on command is money in my book. These spunky sites will keep you coming back for more: Cum Fiesta, Cumshot Surprise and Facial Fest.

Female Friendly

Listen up, guys. Girls may want to have fun, but they also want compelling plots. Female adult film directors (as well as some male ones) know this and are making films that feature attractive men, slowed down action and tenderness that goes beyond a load in the face. Take note: if you want your girlfriend to enjoy porn with you, show her Anna Span’s Eat Me/Keep Me instead of  2 Girls 1 Cup (seriously scat-fetishists, what the hell is wrong with you?). She may be into Andrew Blake, Anna Span’s Diary or Hot Movies for Her.

Gay

Gay guys are…well, they’re guys. If you’re a straight dude, imagine what it would be like if all of your partners a.) thought about sex as much as you do and b.) were as sexually aggressive as you would be if you could get away with it. It boggles the mind, really. Gay guys like hot dudes, steamy sex and pulsing porn. They get their rocks off at Falcon Studios, Men.com and Suite 703.

Group Sex

When it comes to group sex, the more the better. For these folks, there’s no such thing as distraction—just more action. This category includes everything from threesomes to orgies to gangbangs to double penetration (DP) and more. MMF? Yes. FFM? Yes, again. FMFMMFMFFMFM? Sure, whatever. All told, if there are more than two people involved, it’s counted here. Swing over to these sites to join the party: College Rules, In the VIP and Dancing Bear.

Hardcore

Ha, I tricked you—It’s all hardcore! Okay, I’ll admit it, this is a total cop out category. But it’s cool because this is the place where I get to list all the freaky, kinky, sexy stuff I don’t mention elsewhere and, besides, that’s just how I am. (Also, I still get to call it The Dirty Dozen.) So, here you go: Asian, Ass, Babe, Big Dick, Big Tits, Blonde, Brunette, Camel Toe, Celebrity, Compilation, Dancing, Ebony, Euro, Fetish, Fisting, Handjob, Hentai, Latina, Mature, Pantyhose, Pornstar, Red Head, Rimming, Rough Sex, Shemale, Squirting, Striptease, Toys, Vintage, Voyeur and Watersports. Grab your tissues because you can get a taste of all of these and more at PornHub, RedTube and XTube.

Interracial 

Personally, I don’t get what all the fuss is about race—that is, until I check out some interracial porn. I mean, damn, did somebody turn up the contrast on my monitor or is this stuff just totally smokin’ hot? If you’re into some late night racial profiling, surf on over to Monsters of Cock, Freaks of Cock or Milfs Like It Black.    

Lesbian

Oh sure, I could’ve included lesbian porn in with gay porn, but real lesbian porn isn’t for lesbians (and, if you’re a lesbian, don’t kick my ass for saying that—and, I love you), it’s for straight guys who like getting off watching beautiful women getting it on (and really, who doesn’t). I don’t make the rules, I just follow them over to We Live Together, Hot and Mean and When Girls Play.

Teen (18+)

Repeat after me, real teen porn is not child pornography. Also known as “barely legal” or “schoolgirl,” all the girls in the films I’m talking about are over 18 (or, as one commenter put it, “athletic 23-year old girls with pigtails”). Often, the girls in this type of porn have small breasts, are dressed in cheerleader outfits/knee socks/school uniforms and they also happen to be totally hot for older guys (guys who are, coincidentally, just like you!). It’s all about innocence and the loss thereof and taking us back to our first sexual experiences. If you like ‘em young (but not too young), coincidentally check out Pure 18, Innocent High and Dare Dorm.

When he’s not penning posts for Tokii, award-winning Portland, Oregon writer M L Kerr takes solace in uncomfortable silences.

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