The walking verbal car crashes that is Mr John Mayer features in this month’s Rolling Stone. John reaches a state of teary eyed indignation over Taylor Swift making him look somewhat foolish in her song, rumored to be about him; Dear John. Well you know what Mayer; boo-fricking-hoo. You do a great job all by yourself. The man is carving out a career as a professional douche-bag with imbecile prize winning quotes such as his opinion on dating black women, as told to Playboy in March 2010, … “I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f**kin’ David Duke c**k. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”
Yes, he actually said that.
“I am a very… I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me. Someone asked me the other day ‘What does it feel like now to have a hood pass? And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n***** pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said ‘I can’t have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full’”.
Mmmm, okay John. Point taken; that damn hussy Swift, tainting your perfectly respectable persona. In a roundabout way, it appears he’s stating some form of admiration for his African American fan-base here. Sort of. So is he a racist or just an idiot?
Let’s delve into his views on women, love, commitment and previous relationships… John is rumored to have dated or had dalliances with a string of gorgeous, celebrity hotties including; pop princess Ke$ha, Vanessa Carlton, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Rhona Mitra, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, Jennifer Anniston, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. Phew. So; like a true gentleman, he never tells, right? Wrong. He describes Jessica Simpson, who he dated between August 2006 and May 2007, as a drug. In the same, now infamous interview with Playboy, Mayer states; “And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them,” he says, adding, “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.” How charming. He then goes on to cement himself a firm potential favorite with the in-laws stating; “Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say.” He continues, “It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*****’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.‘”
Despite the bedroom acrobatics between the pair and frequent rumors following the split that a reconciliation was on the cards, the breakup remained final. And it wasn’t as though he basically came right out in the same interview and called ex Jennifer Aniston a washed up, old, has been… “One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, “These are the new rules.”… I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.” Ahh… He kind of did.
So why does poor John, being such a catch and all, seem to have such issues finding a long-term lady-love? It seems his massive superiority complex has a lot to answer for. “Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type.. I’m like, “hey girl, magenta!” and she’s like, “oh, you mean purple!” and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, “no – I want magenta!””
Far from casting an arm chair diagnosis; it does appear Mr Mayer may be in full possession of the standard characteristics of a sufferer of narcissistic personality disorder. Excessive feelings of self importance.. Check. Exaggerated achievements and talents? Well this is a man purporting to possess of periwinkle… A preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal love; “Here’s what I really want to do at 32: f**k a girl and then, as she’s sleeping bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, ‘What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the s**t!‘”, says John in that infamous interview. A need for constant attention and admiration. “Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you’d bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I’d be the talk of the day.” This may be a lyric but you get the gist… N.P.D can have a majorly destructive effect on relationships, despite this, the prognosis for N.P.D is pretty good for young people, with many psychologists believing that it can simply be resolved by life experience. So the verdict? Should we pity him? Is John Mayer a victim of his own stupidity or suffering from an emotionally debilitating personality disorder? While he may not be a racist, he certainly isn’t a gentleman, perhaps he’s not even the waste of oxygen he comes across as when his oral dysentry really gets going. But he certainly is a bachelor in possession of one enormous ego – so if you’d describe yourself as V-E-R-Y and magenta, are a fan of spinach omlettes and in possession of the necessary tolerance levels required to spend an evening in Mr Mayer’s company testing his bold claims – you maybe, just maybe, could be in with a shot.
Chloe Taylor – Quirky Welsh copywriter with a flair for life coaching and champagne drinking.
Selma: Oh John Mayer, why do you do the things that you do? Sounds to me like you have some major communications issues… amongst other things! 32 is young, but you aren’t 16… so stop acting like it! Ladies want a man, not a little boy. I recommend this DiscoveryGame so you can work on actually communicating like an adult.
Giulia: Seems to me as though Mayer’s relationships are filled with conflicts. Conflicts in relationships are inevitable and we all deal with them differently. I recommend this DiscoveryGame so John can better understand his reactions and emotions during his conflicts.