I’ve been married nine years this summer, and even though it was the smartest move I’ve ever made, it doesn’t mean it’s always been easy. We’re raising two small kids, working long hours and waging a protracted war about leaving clothes on the bathroom floor. That means learning on the fly; how to manage money, time and each other’s feelings.
I’m lucky enough to have two generations of successful couples ahead of me, both my parents and my grandparents are still an item, and it’s got me thinking about the nature of marriages, and how they change as time goes on. Even though no two relationships are even remotely alike, I think they can generally be broken down into a few stages, each with its challenges and its benefits, and of course, it all starts with
The First Love - We met in university, I had just earned the freedom from my parent’s basement, and the last thing I wanted was to get tied to another person, I was ready to sow all kinds of wild oats. My wild years lasted literally 5 hours, before I met my future wife in our dorm common room. It was electric, we flirted, we got to know each other, and we were an item before you could say “Animal House”. Those firsts, the first kiss, the initial sex, they make you feel dizzy because young love is very much a drug. It’s a crazy cocktail of natural amphetamines making you want to stay up holding hands to watch the sunrise, and it’s awesome. The problem is, being on drugs makes you dumb, and you’re prone to acting pretty bizarre, so the challenge is to enjoy the happiness while still keeping one foot on the ground and using your head once in a while. You do that, you’re off to the races!
Reminisce about those hot early days, Play our DiscoveryGame Love and Memories.
The Honeymoon - My wife and I got married right out of college. We both started careers. We’d get home from work and go out to dinner and we’d have fights just so we could have makeup sex. It seemed like the promised land and it was. The excitement of starting a relationship got replaced by the excitement of living together and sharing a life. The burdens were easy and life was fun, There was a sense of adventure together that was a more calming, safe sensation, but it’s not without it’s challenges too. You find out that you are depended upon and that can be a big adjustment, and pair that with the fact that you’re rubbing shoulders against other young, healthy people who might not be married… you can draw your own conclusions there.
The Itch – I’m happy with my marriage and my family, but sometimes it’s an awful lot to deal with, I was complaining about something small to my dad the other day. He laughed in his knowing way that I used to find so insufferable, and said that where I was now is one of the trickiest parts of a marriage. The numbers say he’s right. Dr. John Buri from Psychology Today says that almost all divorces happen within the first ten years of marriage. It’s now, with demanding schedules, high bills and lots of pressures, that relationships become “work”. Now you have to be patient, forgiving, and loyal. You are an adult, and even in the best situations life is not meant to be easy, at least not if it is lived well. You’ll never be more tempted to throw in the towel, or cheat, or run away and join the circus, but 86% of people who say they’re unhappy in a marriage but stick it out anyway report being happier further down the road. Whenever I get frustrated, I just look to my parents for the gold at the end of the rainbow…
Tokii helps you spice up the “Itch” years by exploring each other’s fantasies and fetishes. Check out our Fetishes in the Intimacy category and play them all.
The Golden Road - My folks had kids in their twenties like me, and now they’re empty nesters getting ready to retire. They’ve paid off their mortgage, Dad’s bought a Cadillac, Mom’s taking horseback riding lessons, they’re enjoying their grandchildren and they’re going on ridiculous vacations all the time. Not every couple gets to enjoy that sort success, but making a marriage usually makes life a lot easier. Married People make more money (women particularly make from 4 to 10% more) and live dramatically longer! The mortality rate for unmarried men is 250% higher (less parachuting maybe?) and even unmarried women have a 50% higher mortality rate.
I watch my Grandparents, in their 80’s, who are, only now starting to slow down, and I want more than anything to have what they have when I get to that point. They’ve grown old together, have all kinds of grand and great-grandchildren, and are now taking care of each other in their twilight years. Ask them if it was always easy, and they’ll say no, but if you make the investment, there are some amazing returns.
It’s great to play together at every stage of your life, so try out our DiscoveryGame “Having Fun Together.”
Tokii is all about finding the good out of every stage, and we’ve designed plenty of DiscoveryGames about communicating our changing needs and thoughts to each other. We’ve been lucky to enjoy little stories from the Tokii community that address all of the stages of love, and the all the joys and challenges they bring!
If you enjoyed this post, you should check out:
Science Of Love