Posted By: Maggie May
“If you want your woman to grow in her radiance health, happiness, love, beauty, power and depth, praise these qualities. Praise them daily. A number of times.” ~ David Deida (spiritual teacher and best-selling author).
If you are considering leaving a marriage or ending a relationship because of “irreconcilable differences“, think again. You’d be amazed how many people are going through the same thing as you are and not only did they save their relationship, they also made it stronger.
Behind The Numbers
Psychology Today reveals that 50% of first marriages end up in divorce. Even more, 75% of people remarry in four years or less after their divorce. Not surprisingly, these second marriages are even less successful than the first ones.
I’m sure that many of you can sense that our society is shifting away from the real values of marriage and family life, which unfortunately is producing a decrease in individual well-being. A recent study conducted by Kelly Musick, Associate Professor at Cornell University, reveals that being in a romantic relationship, whether it is marriage or cohabitation, increases the levels of happiness and well-being.
Being in a relationship is not always a breeze. We need to constantly adjust to each other’s habits, thinking and moods. Sometimes, we forget how lucky we are and start looking around for better options. But is the grass really greener on the other side?
This feeling of “not enough” stems from uncertainty, envy and curiosity that prevent us from acknowledging our own blessings. This state of emotional stress is known as the “greener grass” syndrome.
One reason why you may assume that the grass is greener on the other side is because of the many fences built up between you and other people. You may believe that someone else’s marriage or relationship is perfect, something you’d never experience with your current partner.
“It’s easy to only look at the bright side of our friends’ lives“, says Kate Taylor, relationship expert at Match.com. But the grass is not always greener on the other side. It just seems greener because you’re looking at it from a distance. Life is what you make of it and your perceptions depend on the lens (your beliefs) you use to see the world.
1. Live In The NOW.
Success is living life on your own terms. Stop seeing your life in light of others and give yourself the freedom to admit that your partner is the best one for you right now. Live in the now and do not think about other people out there who may be better than your current partner.
In fact, The Guardian mentioned a study made by the psychologists at Harvard University which reveals that people who are continually distracted from whatever it is they are doing in the moment are less happy. The scientists have interviewed 2,250 volunteers and gathered information on their daily activities, thoughts and feelings.
Their findings show that people were happiest when having sex, exercising and being engaged in conversations and least happy when working, resting or sitting in front of a home computer. Their conclusion was that living in the past or worrying about the future tends to make people more anxious and depressed, even when they are dwelling upon something nice and that happiness is found by living in the present.
Put worries aside, stop the “shoulda coulda woulda” nonsense and know that who you are today is the result of your past actions, thoughts and feelings. It is your past that shaped you into a unique human being. That’s an asset that you can use for your big success.
2. Stop Taking Things For Granted.
There is so much we should be thankful every single day. But things like freedom, health, love, relationships, or food are taken for granted by so many people. One of the reasons is because these things have been in our lives every day and we expect them to stick around forever.
It takes a lot of emotional maturity to be content with what you have and stop thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Grass may appear greener on the other side, because it’s grass you don’t have.
Most of the things in our lives have blended into the background and don’t stand out anymore. That’s why we take so much for granted. Imagine living one week without your Internet connection, hot water or even losing your hair for a day. It’s only when we lose something that we become aware of its actual worth.
We live in a world where you are encouraged to “have it all” and you’re told that anything less than perfect is not good enough. We all know celebrities who seemed to have it all, but they ended up self-destructing themselves by addictions, which is often connected with spiritual emptiness. Reading through the list, you must remember River Phoenix, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and the list may continue.
Who would’ve thought celebrities could be miserable and have messed-up lives? Grass is never greener on just one side; it is greener from both sides and people from the other side see your grass as also being greener. You may not have an easy life, but it is your life. It is your life, your journey. It is a gift. If you have your freedom and your health, then anything is possible.
3. Nurture Your Relationship.
Most couples drift apart because the relationship has not been nurtured, nourished, and attended to. A healthy relationship takes a lot of work. Lasting, fulfilling relationships don’t just happen overnight. They are like a magic garden that requires love, energy, time and love.
Here is a powerful exercise of manifesting appreciation and gratitude toward your partner. Write your spouse a letter (whether you send it or not) and put down all of the qualities you love and appreciate about them, even if you’re not connecting to those positive traits right now.
This will shift your attention from what you don’t like, such as your husband not doing any housework, being too busy all the time, or dealing with their bad moods, to things that you do appreciate in them, like making a delicious dinner, or being there for you after a hard day’s night. It will help you remember all of the reasons why you fell in love with this amazing person in the first place.
For example, what I don’t like about my partner is that he always leaves the table without even attempting to clean the mess. It’s not the end of the world, but sometimes I’d really wish he could do it without me prompting him. But on the other hand, what I do love about him is that he is very kind and compassionate. He may not share all my worldview entirely, but he respects my opinions, even when they are completely different from his. And he loves me even on my bad days.
4. Good Communication.
Many people have a hard time sharing their feelings with each other, but the real problems occur when they wait too long before expressing how they really feel (hurt, angry, jealous, resentful, and so on).
Renowned psychotherapist and Psychology Today’s expert, Dr. Barton Goldsmith, believes that the hardest part about solving conflicts and unleashing anger is getting started. He suggests that before you enter the conversation, calm down to the point where you can articulate your message and say what’s on your mind. If done right, this can be a very powerful bonding experience.
The secret is to understand each other, not to prove that one is right and the other is wrong. Think about what you want to communicate and be clear about your message so that your partner can really understand what you mean.
I am convinced that no matter how gloom the situation may seem, if two people want to save their relationship, miracles do happen. The secret to long-lasting relationships is a good dose of determination, acceptance, commitment and love.
Making the grass greener on your own side is simple. Start with you. Unveil the inner treasure which is already within you and you won’t need to be in somebody else’s shoes, because you are already enough. Then magic happens and all the grass becomes green wherever you go.
So next time you think someone has it better than you, just stop and think about how others may think you have it better than them. The grass on your side may just be greener.
What are some of your secrets for getting your grass greener? We’d love to hear your thoughts.
Maggie May resides in eastern Europe where the west is viewed as the greener grass. She’s discovered that the true greener is in the eye of the beholder.