Posted By: Kimberly Byrne
Sometimes, life as a married couple isn’t always what one hopes for. Of course, at the beginning everything tends to be just like heaven on earth, but as the months or years pass, small things start to happen that make one realize everything might not be perfect. It can be a fleeting hateful thought toward each other, less communication or more discordance’s than usual. This is clearly shown by a study performed by the University of Texas in 2001. In the study, it was discovered that among 156 couples that were married 13 years ago, more than 56% are now unhappily married or divorced. What is even more revealing is that all of those couples stated that the first 2 years of marriage foreshadowed their current situation.
But couples rarely heed these early warnings and then children come and everything seems to be just as perfect as it was at the beginning. However, in most cases things start to degrade again little by little, and slowly partners start to hurt each other more frequently until neither of them can go on anymore. The next inevitable step is divorce, and even though it might hurt at first, hopefully the love for the children keeps things running smoothly, regardless of any hard feelings between the parents.
Holidays such as Father’s Day can put a strain on even amicable divorces and can wreak havoc on less than amicable ones, but there are many ways in which you can minimize the impact on you and especially on your children, since they still love their father.
It all starts with respect, and even if you and your husband didn’t end the relationship on good terms, you still respect each other as parents. Dr. Phil believes this is the most important thing that is needed to preserve a good relationship between your children and their father. In time, this respect will help you separate the feelings you have for your ex-husband from the ones that you have for the father of your children. While he might have being awful at one aspect, it doesn’t mean he does not love your children or that he is not a great father, and this will always be something worth considering.
That said, Father’s Day celebrations provide you with a unique opportunity to strengthen your bond with your children by letting them help you choose a gift for their father.
Something t
hat worked really well for me last year was to agree to meet for lunch at a lively restaurant where it was easy for everyone to be in a good mood. After lunch, we all took a short walk together and then I let my ex-husband take the children for the rest of the afternoon. I also let him bring them over to my place, where he put them to bed and even read them a bedtime story.
Even if you hate your ex-husband, all of this can take place with minimum participation from you, while still showing both him and your children that you foster nothing but respect for them.
Remember: even though things might have ended badly, your ex-husband is the reason you are a mother in the first place. Just try to remember the aspects that you respect about him and bring those feelings out during days such as Father’s Day. He will hopefully notice that you are thankful for your children. But most importantly, your children will learn that a separation does not mean the end of their world, and they can still enjoy the love of their parents, regardless of their circumstances.
Most importantly, this will also teach your children an invaluable lesson: that despite their parents’ differences, they both love them so much that they allow them to be free to love both mom and dad.
Kimberly Byrne’s has been writing academic articles, specialty articles and ebooks for more than nine years. When she is not writing, she is a single mother to a beautiful girl named Amanda.
I have a dear friend who is divorced, but she maintains a really positive, amicable relationship with her ex. They have some beautiful kids who are thriving with parents who love the kids first, and keep their problems out of the equation. She is truly inspiring.