Posted by
Karla

Embarking on a new relationship can in itself be a heady, intoxicating time. All those fresh, exciting feelings; the giddy butterflies of anticipation, the long, deep conversations from sunset ‘til sunrise; relishing the acquisition of every last fascinating detail about your new beloved, you can’t eat, can’t sleep… Sound familiar? It’s not all in your head – scientists at Rutgers University have proven that the act of falling in love invokes a series of chemical reactions, including a release of dopamine; a substance described as the “pleasure chemical” and norepinephrine; similar to adrenaline, that contribute to the deliciously euphoric state we feel during the “attraction” stage…

So while this Molotov cocktail of love is busily doing the rounds internally, what’s going down on the outside? Let Tokii be your guide on a magical mystery tour of the conventional and not-so-conventional milestones that take us from young, free and single to a fully fledged member of the loved up club…

As Julie Andrews declared in the Sound of Music… We’ll start at the very beginning – it’s a very good place to start…

First meeting…

The most potent of romantic intentions can’t actually get off the ground until two potential lovebirds have actually made acquaintance. It’s a well known irony that you’ll find love when you’re least looking for it, so whether it’s in a crowded bar or in the exotic fruit section of your local supermarket – keep an eye on those subconsciously aphrodisiac melons – cupids arrow could strike any time.

Taking into consideration that up to 20% of new relationships now begin online – why not give yourself the best possible shot of finding true love with our pretty damn’ entertaining guide to setting up your online dating profile…

First communication…

And if the arrow hits the target, it’s entirely likely to be followed by a first text, phone call or – in this increasingly digital age – an I.M via social media… Is xxx too keen? Is X not keen enough? And what if we’ve got nothing to say on the phone? A fantastically exciting time, this also has the scope for being really rather nerve racking – be yourself and avoid game playing is an oft quoted form of advice. Why? Well the oldies do tend to be the best…

While it may not be ideal for the first text you send a potential new beau – it definitely pays to keep communication with your lover nice and spicy – check out our feature on mixing up a little tech with your sex!

First date…

So you didn’t completely frighten them off by bizarrely rambling or insulting his mother/her weight or by committing some other cardinal sin and – bingo – you’ve secured yourself a first date… fantastic. Varying wildly in both expectation and expense – this should give you both your first real insight into each other. Whether you celebrate it with a romantic walk in the country or by holding hands at the local multiplex, maybe you’re a little more high maintenance, and champagne and oysters is your idea of heaven, the most important thing to consider is communication; listening, asking questions and being genuinely interested all factor largely in ensuring that your date has a great time and feels special – without hurting your chances of securing a second date…

Let’s hope the first date goes well…  In fact it may go so well, you find yourself seeking out a cold shower – and, if you find yourself wondering whether a home run is a base too far – take a look at my advice.

First luscious lip lock…

So let’s say our first date was a resounding success – high five – there’s a good chance the first kiss is on the cards sometime soon. Poets and philosophers alike have waxed lyrical for some time about the magic of the relationship’s initiatory clinch. Hermann Hesse, who was, incidentally, both, puts it rather well…

At the first kiss I felt,
Something melt inside me
That hurt in an exquisite way
All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish,
All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake,
Everything was transformed and enchanted
And made sense.

Beautiful, Mr.Hesse, couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

If the thought of the first kiss leaves you with more of a sense of nail-biting apprehension than stomach dwelling butterflies, I’ve got some great advice for you.

First ‘…excuse me!!’ moment…

Bodily functions are about as natural as they come – and when you gotta go… you gotta go! But early on in a relationship the last thing you want is for the object of your desire to hear any evidence of this. In a bizarre, if well intentioned, suspension of reality, loved-up puppies can even sometimes wind up with stomach aches trying to keep up the illusion that they don’t break wind… A plain old ‘excuse me’ for the noisy variety should suffice – though be prepared for some teasing – embrace it as a great opportunity to show you’re a good sport who can enjoy a little banter. There’s nothing more attractive than someone comfortable in their own skin, so while we certainly don’t suggest you adopt a Homer Simpson persona – if you do happen to unintentionally let rip, don’t panic. It’s absolutely not the end of the world. And if happen to be an artisan of the ‘silent but deadly’ variety? Blame the dog – every time.

Everybody loves to have fun! Play our Having Fun Together DiscoveryGame to see how you and your partner really like to have fun together, and see how Tokii can add more of it in your relationship!

First ‘holding of the hair and rubbing of the back’…

You’re partying together, fluttering your social butterfly wings, embodying the life and soul and indulging in a spot of light alcoholic relief. Unfortunately, light relief fast became heavy drinking and all of a sudden, the lights are too bright and why is everyone shouting? And spinning around…?

You know they’re a keeper when they’re prepared to…

1. Refuse your requests to settle down for the night on the sidewalk outside the bar instead insisting they get you safely home.
2. Hold back hair/provide soothing back rub/fetch cool glass of water as you deposit the contents of your lunch in the toilet bowl…Not take advantage of your inebriation, instead gently removing your shoes and tucking you up on the sofa to sleep it off.
3. Wake you up the following morning with Tylenol, coffee and pretend they also were so drunk they can’t possibly remember in any significant detail your hurling episode, declarations that you “…like them much better than the last guy I dated – and I liked him a LOT” or, the actually somewhat impressively crazy shapes you were throwing out on the dance floor…

First time having sex together..

Whether the kiss was a tender lip brush, as soft and sweet as the fluttering wing of a butterfly or a hungry, passion filled exchange; the wheels of seduction have been set in motion and the possibility of love-making – or raw sex starts to seem like an electrifying potential reality – and where would we be without mentioning the build-up-to and the fulfillment of the first bedroom activity, or indeed kitchen floor/rear seat of the Prius/back row of aforementioned multiplex activity – hey - y’never know!

While some couples do choose to wait, for various reasons – moral, religious or otherwise, many now see this as the next step in their union and the experience should be a gratifyingly delectable one for both partners.

Not quite firing on all your sexy cylinders? Take a delicious sneak peek at our article on incorporating sensuality into sexuality for an experience to relish.

First meeting of the nearest and dearest…

Meeting friends and family isn’t a far off step and hopefully, the people that are important to you will grow to love the latest addition to your life as much as you do. This can be a nervy occasion – or it can be a lot of fun! Take ownership of the situation, if you know your new partner is the shy ‘til they get going type, help them out with some introductions and conversation starters, vice versa – if you happen to be dating a social butterfly, let them lose; you may find your own friendship circle happily expanding too.

Why not give our Entertaining Family and Friends DiscoveryGame a try? Not only are you pretty much guaranteed to learn something new and have some fun – you should also pick up some invaluable advice for the smooth running of your social lives – what’s not to love?!

First bearing the brunt…

Picture the scene …

Your alarm failed miserably to serve it’s purpose in life, your train was delayed and the journey took forever – after skidding into work, having performed the best Usain Bolt impression of your life the whole way there, your angry boss calls an urgent meeting. The whole department’s not hitting targets and everyone’s getting a serious dressing down – especially you; responsible for performance. From here on in, the day goes from bad to worse and when home time finally comes, you’re in a similar mind frame to Michael Douglas in Falling Down. God help anybody who utters so much of a provocative syllable. In a perfect world you’d like to close the curtains and mope under a duvet in a bubble of self pity until this dismal excuse for a day draws to a close… Unfortunately this isn’t an option – you’ve got a date, which you need to start getting ready for asap.

Got it? Okay.. Now picture this one…

You’ve had a pretty decent kind of day, a little goofing around in work, a pleasant business lunch with one of your favorite clients; delectable food and great company. You’ve even managed to squeeze in a quick trip to the mall to pick up a hot new outfit for the romantic dinner date you’ve got planned that evening – the one that you’ve been looking forward to all day.

On a scale of one to ten, how brilliant a time are these guys likely to have tonight?

A bad day usually equates to a bad mood – the first occasion you see the person you’ve been dating feeling downright crappy can be a jolting one, especially if your shared history so far has basically revolved around having a good time. The realization that you’re prepared to be more than a fair-weather friend, stick around and listen can be a great indication of potential longevity in the relationship.

While there are people out there who claim to possess telepathic abilities, the vast majority of us aren’t mind readers – our Tokii MoodMeter is an awesome way of sharing both your own and your partner’s current moods and feelings.

First photo together…

You’ve also got that first tagging of you both on social network coming up – the first photo and potential subsequent realization that you look perfectly meant to be or, more likely, the inadvertent induction of some intense analysis; a slight frown, awkwardly placed hand or distant facial expression. Don’t stress! While, supposedly, “the camera never lies”, it can bring out a serious case of the awkwards in the best of us and the first occasion that a flashbulb’s thrust in a new couple’s face can be a little daunting to say the least. If it’s not quite to the Annie Leibovitz standard that you were looking for, don’t stress, laugh it off – with luck, there’ll be plenty more opportunities for frame-able snaps of you both!

If Facebook floats your boat – as it now does for 10% of the global population – make sure it’s fulfilling its life enhancing potential with our fantastic Facebook App.

First road trip…

A lot of couples take this opportunity within the growing romance to enjoy a road trip together – impromptu or precision planned – why the hell not? The thrill of spending hours in extremely close proximity with your beau, doing something out of the ordinary and singing (badly) along to a killer play list – bliss.

If you happen to be taking your road trip through or into Canada, create some lasting memories with our top tips on the most romantic hotspots in one of the most beautiful countries on earth.

First I love you…

What we’ve got coming up is one of the most defining moments in any relationship – the occasion that cements you as more than a notch on a bedpost – indeed more than a fleeting fancy but as a serious contender for long-term-loving, those three little words…

Picture the scene… you’re in a fancy restaurant, doing a little gazing and hand holding, whispering sweet nothings and what not, the waiter brings out your meals and their food looks so much better than yours – you’re not shy in making it clear you think so and instead of retaliating with a possessive stab of the fork into aforementioned meal, they respond with “Here – let’s swap”… Swoon.

Oh, what? The other three little words…? We jest – enough to instill the warm and fuzzies into the coldest of hearts – being told “I love you” and reciprocating is one of the greatest joys this crazy life can gift us.

Love In So Many Words…Never has one word been so loaded with meaning – find out what the L word means to you in our awesome DiscoveryGame – you might just surprise yourself!

The realization of acceptance – warts ‘n all…

Okay, hands up – who wakes up every morning with deliciously fresh smelling breath? … liar! There comes a time that you realize, not only does your lover have pretty icky smelling breath in the morning, but you really don’t mind – and are quite prepared to take it in order to kiss them – in fact, you actually kinda like it…

A sure fire sign it’s more than a fling, accepting that your partner isn’t the embodiment of perfection – and nor are you, means there isn’t that pressure to perform. Kicking back, being authentic without feeling the need to put on a show and seeing where you end up is a hugely sensible philosophy when embarking on a new relationship…

While a tolerance for morning halitosis is a great string to the bow of any budding romance – you can never be too great at communicating effectively. Play Karla and Al’s Top 10 Qs DiscoveryGame and gain some invaluable insights.

First fight…

The initial madness of the attraction stage tends to calm down – it’s probably something of a relief to be able to mull over the things that matter again in life; where do all the odd socks live, is John Travolta living life in the closet and why does the cold side of the pillow feel so good?!

It’s entirely possibly around this time that the rose-tinted specs have worn off slightly, you’re both being a lot more authentic and asserting yourselves as individuals within the couple – still you, just a less eager to please version of yourself. This transition can prove to be a make or break time for couples as the first fight dawns. Compromise and understanding can go a long, long way and if you manage to crack this and get past it then you’ve got yourself a winning formula for resolving future conflicts. And all healthy couples disagree – it’s a perfectly natural fact of relationships and managed correctly, can be extremely productive…

While a blow out once in a while can be like a good detox or changing the oil in the car – necessary to ensure the smooth running – it’s important not to play dirty. Why not have a little browse at our article on fair fighting to brush up on the rules of engagement.

Time to take things to the next level…?

So if your return to reality goes without a bump and you’re both gooier than a chocolate fudge brownie, you could be well on your way to the “big chat” – the where do we go from here and would you like the opportunity to pick up my dirty pants/chase away big spiders and snuggle together on a more regular basis chat – things are hotting up!

Before you go making any hasty decisions – hold that call to U-Haul – are you truly ready? Are you sure? Find out for certain with our Deciding to Move in Together DiscoveryGame.