Posted by
Susan

Obviously, that means that our brains are probably still better suited to a nomadic, hunter/gatherer culture than deciding who is going to cook supper or wash the laundry. Is it any surprise then, that when we communicate with our partners, sometimes, we don’t make any sense at all?

His brain silently remembers the days when it was expected that he would fight to protect and feed his family. Her brain wants to hide herself and her offspring from the threat. Let’s face it, talking through a problem when the enemy is banging at the cave door, isn’t going to have that much of a survival benefit. Tokii members reinforced that, when they were asked about talking through an important issue in their life. He said he’d rather put it off until later (subtext – after the danger has passed), she said “discuss it right away” (gotta instruct the young to stay hidden and safe).

Naturally all of us would still be that primal if the need arose. The thing is, in the developed world we are very rarely expected to use our primitive brain for what it has evolved to do. Regardless, though the brain is still working on the premise that daily survival demands this. So equality doesn’t mean sameness and how we react to situations will likely be very different for each sex. It’s unlikely that when there is no apparent threat before us, that we’re going to understand why his or her brain is reacting the way it is.

I have a little hobby of trying to figure out the survival advantage of why we do the things we do. If I consider that my partner’s brain chemicals may be responding in predator mode, I can be far more generous in my thinking, when he demonstrates an expectation that I should respond to his authoritive directions. That’s not to say that I will do as he expects, but at least I may swallow my response and avoid an unnecessary conflict.

Perhaps if he considered that one reason women use more than double the words a man does in day, may be because of her primitive need to instruct children, so that they would survive long enough to be the silent hunters or warriors that their father’s expected.

With the pace of change that is occurring in the world today, it is likely that our brains will never evolve quickly enough to allow male and female to truly understand each other on an instinctive level. We are however, smart enough to learn to appreciate our unique differences, within our equality.
*Stats taken from Tokii.com on 9 January 2012

When we asked Tokii Expert, Wendy Kay to comment on our members statistic that men cry more out of sadness and women out of frustration, Wendy said, that both sadness and frustration are more difficult to identify than anger. Tears are a good visual cue to help couples understand what their partner is feeling.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re male or female, 67% of both sexes get frustrated when they think they’re not being heard , Tokii Expert, Alison Sigmon said, “Understanding that both genders feel the same about this puts them on the same team…We often assume our partner should just get these things, but would you just make that assumption with colleagues or friends? If you want a certain response from your partner, then it’s important to be clear about what you need. Neither of you are mind readers.”

To find more of what Wendy and Alison had to say regarding the community responses from Communication His Way and Communication Her Way, go to Tokii Info Graph here!