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Will King

This past weekend while Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson licked their respective wounds in separate locations, another famous couple who has also inhabited recent headlines seemed to be having the time of their lives.  Just a few months after his own martial implosion, Ashton Kutcher took off to scenic Bali with on-screen/off-screen girlfriend Mila Kunis.  Something about wealth, fame and a tropical climate seems to exfoliate much of life’s shame and consequence.

Many celebs have similarly bounced back, quickly re-entering the hazy lava lamp that is dating in Los Angeles after very little down time. Johnny Depp is now being linked to his Rum Diaries co-star Amber Heard – this less then two months after announcing his split from Vanessa Paradis.  The two had been together for 14 years, sharing two kids and an island.

In 2004, speaking with  iVillage, Depp said “When I met Vanessa, I was still drifting. But being with her has just blown me away and made me a better man. Ten years ago I never would have believed in the kind of life I have now as a father, although I still wonder if it’s OK to be this happy?” Many had expected Depp to remain aloof, and to certainly have some considerable aloneness.  This was probably due to his infamous premium on privacy, and his somewhat family-based lifestyle in recent years.

Also fast to bounce back was Russell Brand, almost instantly linked to a handful of women after the sudden separation from wife Katy Perry.  Never one to avoid a topic or a microphone, he soon opened up on the split in a warm and soothing environment – The Howard Stern Show.  He explained his mindset at the time, saying, “This isn’t really working out, it’s a difficult situation … I was really, really in love with her, but it was difficult to see each other.”

It would seem the hap hazard style of his comedy and persona may actually reflect a somewhat manic identity.  Hearing so much about him, so often, and so often directly from him – it just seems to detract from his relevance.  When there’s no private element to a life – it becomes an exhibit and begins to feel manufactured.

After his heavily reported split from Madonna, director Guy Ritchie took only weeks to connect with another, a film producer named Lauren Meek.  But before her, Ritchie was spotted wining and dining a string of ladies including supermodel Elle MacPherson, Jemima Khan and Petrina Khashoggi. On his marriage to the sexual hieroglyph, he told Details Magazine, “I stepped into a soap opera, and I lived in it for quite a long period of my life… When you end up with a lot of the things you set out to chase and find that you’ve stumbled into all sorts of hollow victories, then you become deeply philosophical. I’m quite happy that that experience was accelerated for me. I’m glad I made money, in other words. And I’m glad I got married”.

Hollywood heartache is no less legitimate because it comes with press releases and anonymous sources claiming to be in the loop.  It does, however, allow for a more lush and effortless recovery process, much like the posh detox centers celebs sometimes employ.  Whatever unfolds for the Twilight kids, it’s safe to say they’ll endure it intact whether as a unit or separate parts.  They were, after all, sharing a $6M home before Hurricane Julian rattled their shutters.  If things do prove irreconcilable, they can rest assured that their dance cards won’t stay unpunched for very long.

Will King is a television and media critic who splits his time as a stand up comic.  He collects conspiracy theories and claims to have invented Teflon. In his spare time he follows presidential politics and all traffic signs. He lives in Charlotte, NC.

Selma: Why sit on the bench and watch your friends have all the fun? Just got out of a relationship? GOOD! It wasn’t meant to be. Get back in the game… NOW! I recommend this DiscoveryGame because, let’s get real – the technological world isn’t going anywhere. See how it affects your dating life!

Giulia: Rebound relationships are usually short-lived due to one partner’s emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up. Those celebrities that are emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed – but this NEVER happens. I recommend this DiscoveryGame to see how your emotional highs and lows affect your dating life.