Note: Anger, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride and sloth. Whether or not committing one of these sins will destine you to an eternity stoking Satan’s furnace is up for debate but one thing’s for sure, committing them in a relationship may leave you all alone and out in the cold. In this seven-part series, writer Michael Kerr explores each of the seven deadly sins and why they’re bad for couples.

The Seven Deadly Relationship Sins: Gluttony

On first glance gluttony may seem like a minor deadly sin; on par with lesser evils such as envy or sloth as opposed to, say, relationship killers like anger, lust or pride. However, gluttony can be a big deal indeed: a very big deal. If you haven’t heard, gluttony combined with a lack of exercise can make you become fat—and, when it comes to your health, bigger isn’t better. Not only does being overweight put a person at risk for a mélange of diseases such as heart disease, diabetes and some cancers, it can wreak havoc on your relationship as well.

When Mr. Right Is Mr. Bad News

Relationships themselves may be bad for the waistline—especially if you’re a woman. A 2011 Ohio State University study usurped previous research that showed both men and women gained a moderate amount of weight in the first two years after marriage. It turns out men in the study actually lost weight while women gained a lot more than previously thought. It’s still unclear why woman packed on the pounds post-matrimony, but Zhenchao Qian, a professor of sociology at OSU, suspects tradition is part of the reason. “Married women often have a larger role around the house than men do, and they may have less time to exercise and stay fit than similar unmarried women,” he said.

Don’t Weight Up

In a profile for National Public Radio (NPR) in 2011, Larry Boynton, a contractor in Belmont, California, remembers that when he married his wife Dana Englehardt a decade earlier, the fact that she was overweight wasn’t a big problem for him. “Once I decided to put that out of my mind and allow the relationship to grow with the person I was falling in love with—her personality and how much fun we had together—it just really wasn’t an issue,” he says. However, when Englehardt gained 60 more pounds, it began to put a strain not only on her body, but on the marriage as well.

Englehardt, a registered nurse, could barely stand during her shifts. Minor tasks left her winded and sleep apnea kept her awake at night. Just the thought of having sex left her exhausted. “I suffered a lot of guilt because I knew that I wasn’t meeting my husband’s needs,” she says. Englehardt began losing her self-confidence while, at the same time, Boynton had become frustrated by the lack of sex in the marriage. “At one point it was six months…and I was almost climbing the walls,” he says. “And so I didn’t want to get frustrated, so therefore, I just shut down.” Instead of discussing the problem, both partners retreated. Eventually, Englehardt’s health deteriorated so badly she opted for bariatric (weight loss) surgery. Although she lost weight and probably saved her own life, it took several more years before the couple could get their relationship back to where it was prior to her weight gain.

‘Til Heft Do Us Part

Obese people are also more dissatisfied with their sex lives, and “obese women seem to suffer the most,” according to researchers who study the issue. “Instead of enjoying their sexual intimacy, [obese women are] worried about the size of their stomach or, ‘Oh my god, he’s going to touch my stomach,” says Ronnie Kolotkin, a psychologist at Duke University Medical Center. Other problems with obesity she cites include low sexual desire, avoidance of intimacy and difficulty performing sexually (which affects both obese women and men).

Shape Up Before Your Spouse Ships Out

It’s not easy to lose weight; just ask the $40 billion dollar plus a year diet industry. Unfortunately, there’s still no magic bullet. The best way to lose weight is still the old fashioned way—eat well and exercise regularly. In fact, eating a healthy diet is the best way to counter obesity, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). The group recommends the following steps in order to maintain a healthy weight:

• limit overall consumption of fats and switch fat consumption away from saturated fats in favor of unsaturated ones
• consume more fruits, vegetables, whole grains and nuts
• cut down on sugars and salt

Maintaining a regular fitness routine can help you achieve a healthy body as well. At least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity each day reduces the risk of a number of serious health consequences including diabetes and cardiovascular disease, as well as colon and breast cancers. Not only will exercise help you lose weight and remain active longer as you age, it also builds self-confidence, a necessary ingredient of every healthy relationship.

The Prescription

In 2010, Indiana home builder Josh Barkley weighed in at nearly 400 pounds. It was not only destroying his health, but his relationship as well. The couple wanted children, but due to his obesity, Josh’s, testosterone and thyroid levels had plummeted to near zero. His doctor suggested bariatric surgery, but Josh decided to get his weight under control by going old school. He changed his eating habits and joined a gym. Using a combination of the popular CrossFit exercise regimen six days a week, Josh was able to drop 130 pounds in just over a year. He even inspired his wife Heather to join him at the gym three days a week. “A few months ago I would beg him to take a walk around the block and now he can run a mile and is beating me, it has been the answers to my prayers,” she said. As the Barkley’s story attests, not only is shaping up a good prescription for an ailing person, it can pump up an ailing relationship as well.

Try These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

Tantalizing Tokii Reads – to make relationship work into fun.

In response to requests for Tokii to answer questions from members and the public at large in a frank and direct way, we have brought onboard, a tough talking, calls it like he sees it individual,  Straight Shooter Steve. From time to time, Steve will field your questions in his unique and blunt style. Be forewarned, you might not always like or agree with his answers! In fact, we’ll go as far as to state that Steve’s answers do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Tokii! Let’s call it freedom of speech!  If nothing else, we hope you’ll find him entertaining and provocative! He’s on probation so let us know how you truly feel about his work!

Try These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

Tantalizing Tokii Reads – to make relationship work into fun.

Several years of being the woman of many men’s fantasies has created some sizzling memories for Kyra.  She’s traveled with dignitaries, kept company with royalty, and hung out with rock stars, even being in some of their videos.  Born and living in London, Kyra’s special services have always been in demand.  Her high level of energy and open book attitude create an environment where everybody, lady or gent, can ask this sizzling lassie anything they desire. 

Everybody has questions about sex, experimentation, relationships, and lingering thoughts that stem from their fantasies.  Get ready for some no holds barred advice.  Just a warning… Kyra’s not for the faint of heart, as she’s sure to heat up the message boards in Ask Kyra.

Read more Ask Articles - to make relationship work into fun.

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Hiking with friends, sweating through a yoga class, or playing a rousing game of soccer can burn a few calories, we all know there are more…satisfying ways to work up an appetite (wink, wink). These sports of the bedroom variety may just leave you wandering into the kitchen at odd hours of the night or morning for something of substance to nibble (not to imply that your lover’s earlobes aren’t substance enough, but you know what I mean).

Not So Innocent

This is where Midnight Asparagus comes in. This brilliant dish is the perfect midnight snack for two. Be forewarned, however: as you’ll recall from previous posts, asparagus is an aphrodisiac, which means that this seemingly innocent snack may actually lead to another round. Think you’ve got what it takes? If not, the second major ingredient in this fabulously delicious recipe, eggs, may just give you a hand. Eggs are also considered aphrodisiacs and, as the source of new life, they are the ultimate fertility symbol. They’re also packed with protein, zinc, and B vitamins that will fuel your libido, balance your hormones, and nourish your body…so with Midnight Asparagus in your culinary arsenal, you just may be ready for another round.

Easy Does It

This recipe is extremely easy to make, even for those who are a little foggy-headed due to lust or lack of sleep. Simply coat a sauté pan with a little olive oil, slice some asparagus, crack a few eggs, throw it all in the oven, and you’ve got yourself a scrumptious midnight snack. Your only challenge may be deciding whether to polish off every last morsel before returning to the bedroom. What could be better than the two of you sneaking a bite together under cover of night, perhaps clothed and perhaps not, feeding each other in the dim light when everyone else is asleep…pure heaven.

Enjoy!

Note: Recipe from http://www.splendidtable.org/

Play This DiscoveryGame – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

Tantalizing Tokii Reads – to make relationship work into fun.

South American Escape: Fall in Love with Ceviche

The “Must Have” Info On Chocolate

Preparing Your Own Aphrodisiac Dinner

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First, my deepest condolences regarding your loss. It has long been said that there is no more devastating thing a couple (or even a person) can experience than the loss of a child. It doesn’t seem the natural order of things. Because it is so fundamentally difficult a loss to experience, it comes with it some additional complications like the outcome you describe.

News that can give you hope in the midst of a lot of hopelessness:

According to studies by the parental grief support group “The Compassionate Friends” (the nation’s largest bereavement organization): While some couples don’t make it through the loss of a child, most marriages survive the tragedy.

Only sixteen percent of all couples that experience the death of a child get divorced, and less than half of those divorced reported the death of their child as a factor in the decision to divorce.

Wayne Loder, public relations coordinator for Compassionate Friends and father of two children who were killed in a car accident, explains, “Most married couples that experience this kind of devastation pull together and some even become stronger.”

How do you get to the “stronger” part?:

Since it’s been a little while and you and your husband haven’t been able to do it on your own, it’s probably time to get some outside help. Talk to friends or do your own research to find a local therapist who specializes in grief and loss. They will help you use tools you already have, along with the love that helped you create your family in the first place, to heal the deep wounds caused by the loss of your son.

It will not happen overnight, but the healing really can’t begin while you are also experiencing the stress of a waning relationship. Without the loss of a child, a successful marriage takes a lot of concerted effort. With the added grief and stress of losing a child, you and your husband need to focus inward to help strengthen the relationship more than ever.

Try These DiscoveryGames - discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

Read more from Ask Amie.

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I am 35 and I am single. This has been the case since 2009 at which time I split up from my long-term partner, if five years fits in to your definition of long-term. I don’t particularly like being single nor do I like reinforcing a cliché by taking some solace in the single life by coming home to my two cats. To be single, the art of being single, the single life.  They are phrases we hear all the time and three years into the single life, I am getting a little fed up of their use, particularly in relation to me.

Since 2009, there have been a couple of, if I’m honest and don’t block out the disasters, a few men, who I have had let’s say more than a flirtation with. I maintained my single status on Facebook throughout these dalliances and in the process made sure the whole of my social circle was aware of my personal relations. Being single at friends’ weddings are perhaps the most difficult times. I hated the photo sessions or dinner tables with an empty space next to me. I hated going back to my luscious bathroom and luscious bed on my own. Around the time of a close friend’s wedding, I had been seeing my ‘friend with benefits’ for about a year, but relationship etiquette defined that I was unable to invite him as my guest thereby taking advantage of the luscious bedroom, and my single misery was further compounded.

Some people love being single and whilst we hear about singletons having the best times of their lives, and not wanting the manly love of a steady partner, I don’t actually believe that there are, actually that many of them. Many people can wait for years for that person who makes it feel right; however I am taking a more assault course approach. I approach dating as a necessary function in life. I need to eat and I need to shower. I also need to date and I became a serial dater.

Try These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

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Hi.  A tough situation for sure.  At the time you’re in the thick of things, it can seem like an earth-shattering balance must be struck (you know the one:  seeming cool enough to continue the superficial game of fun and sex while still maintaining your dignity and having your needs met).  Stepping back a few steps is first.  Try to imagine your best friend or sister – if you have one – in a similar situation.  That will help snap you into “objective” mode.  Then, set out to make some clear decisions that will help you move forward, one way or another.

For starters, the friends-with-benefits thing is inherently tricky.  Here’s why:  We (as in women) are literally hard-wired to “bond” with those we have sex with.  When in the act (especially at orgasm), we literally “explode” with oxytocin, a hormone that is also released when mothers breastfeed their babies.  Essentially, it’s a juice that runs through us that says, “Love this person.  Bond to this person.”  We aren’t good at meaningless sex because we’re not hard-wired to be. 

Men, on the other hand (Warning:  While what I’m about to say is backed by oodles of scientific research, it still makes us cringe to hear sometimes) are not hard-wired to bond with those whom they have sex with.  Quite to the contrary, were it not for the good sense we humans have, men would hop from one “friend with benefit’s” bed to the next in the time it takes them to get to the next.  Unlike us – and, in fairness, way oversimplifying things – men are hard-wired to spread their seed.  They’re not so concerned with the lovey/bondy thing from an animal sense.

So the question you have to ask yourself (regardless of the place you were at when the superficial set-up began) is:  Is it still good enough for you?  If you’re starting to feel emotionally bonded to someone who may not be emotionally bonded back, not only can that not be fulfilling, it can be psychologically damaging in ways that can adversely impact a woman’s self-esteem, sense of relationship and sense of intimacy.  Those things can take a long time to repair, too, and in the meantime can attract all sorts of riff-raff into your life (you’ve heard “you attract what you are,” haven’t you?).  So you have to be really careful when the friends-with-benefits thing starts to make you feel different from when you began.  One thing’s for sure:  Now that you’re starting to feel different, the situation can’t remain status quo.  Now that your sense of bonding is starting to take hold, you have to either be in with this guy, or get out.

If you’re deciding you’d like to take the relationship to a more serious and emotional level, ask yourself if the guy who was okay with having “meaningless” sex with you is the guy you’d like to enjoy that next level with.  If the answer is yes AND you think he may feel the same way… then the next course of action becomes really simple.  Talk to him.

The good news is:  No matter what the outcome, YOU WIN!  If he agrees, is relieved you made the first move to talk about the elephant in the room, and wants to explore a more exclusive and emotional dating arrangement with you… AWESOME!  If he rolls his eyes and says “Damn.  I was wondering when you’d get sappy on me…” then RUN (DON’T WALK)… and quit wasting your precious time and self on this one.

Karla Recommends These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

Read more Ask Karla- to make relationship work into fun.

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When a book described as “mommy porn” hits the bestseller list, you’d better believe we at Tokii will be reading it from cover to cover. Just like our readers, we were excited to see that the story is much more than just the sexcapades that Twilight generally lacked.

Fifty Shades teases the reader, challenges the reader’s ideals on what makes a healthy, sexual and emotional relationship and continually entices the reader to want more.

This eBook is about taking Fifty Shades and bringing the raw sexiness and incredible connection into your relationship.  Use this book like a recipe book and click to the sections (or scenes–nd there’s lots of yummy ones) that work best for you today.   For simplicity, we have added each scene into the table of contents so that you can play right away.

We begin the book with a sort of “Coles/Cliff Note” version of Fifty Shades. Of course, our objective was slanted, so our focus is a bit more on the relationship (and of course the incredible sex scenes) than on the plot.

In the rest of this book, we take the ingredients of the Fifty Shades relationship and show how you can bring these “recipe” techniques into reality.   And of course, no recipe book would be complete without food. We have added to each section some healthy, sexy food to build up your endurance and endorphins for the exciting scenes that follow.

In this book you will learn how to:

• Write a contract that works for your relationship (or at least start communicating about your desires and passions)
• Learn how to take the seriousness out of sex and have fun again
• Re-enact some of the more savory scenes in Fifty Shades
• Learn that everyone has fifty shades and what this really means
• Learn about the Dominant and Submissive lifestyle and break some of the Myths and Stereotypes
• Become your own inner goddess/god

Although, we don’t promise an orgasm every single time (like lovely Anastasia experienced at the hands of Christian), we will promise that when you use these tips in the book you will have a better sex life and a closer relationship with both yourself and your partner.  Enjoy.

Download your FREE copy today!  

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This relationship sound more like “train a man” instead of “value each other”. Understand that EVERY relationship enters a phase where they battle  how the relationship will look. For example, if your partner wants sex once a month and you prefer twice a week then there will be an intimacy battle until resolved. It seems that you are in this battling phase and searching for ways to resolve. Follow the advice below and you will be equipped with the tools to manage this phase.

First, realize that no matter how badly you want things to change, you can NOT change a person. If your partner refuses to understand your relationship perspective then you must make a choice to accept him for him or pack your emotions in a suitcase and move to the next. This mean if he refuses to detach from mom, then either you accept him and mom’s relationship or leave. If you attempt to change him prepare to stay stressed and depleted.

Second, utilize this time to focus on you. I usually stress the holistic approach for this step (healing the mind, body, and soul). It seems that you have a good job which opens opportunities to build relationships with others. Do other ladies in the office face similar situations? Find them and utilize that friendship to discuss frustrations but not “man-bash”. This helps heal the mind. Do you workout to relieve stress? If not, now is a good time to find a workout regimen to target the body. To target the soul, search for spiritual guidance like reading self-help books or meditating. Remember, the objective in this step is to  reduce stress and find a healthier YOU.

Third, understand that this dating phase is extremely challenging and possibly difficult to manage independently. The LESS compatible you two are the harder it is to compromise which is when counseling helps.  One benefit with relationship counseling is you will learn quickly whether the relationship will work or not. You’ve invested two years and I’m unsure how motivated you are with staying another two years. Dating is not easy but maintaining a healthy relationship is obtainable.

Charlie Recommends These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

Read more Ask Charlie - to make relationship work into fun.

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Outspoken Democrat, James Carville, and his equally-politically-feisty Republican wife, Mary Matalin, make it hard not to view passionate political differences in a somewhat romantic light.

The fact is, however, the famous, political couple is more the exception than the rule when it comes to mixing love with politics.  Why?  The way we view politics speaks volumes about how we express our values.   For example:  Republicans are often associated with fundamentalist Christianity, citing Republican values as “very Christian” in nature.  Democratic Christians, on the other hand, argue that Jesus walked amongst the poor (imagine if he’d have said to his disciples, “Wash your own feet; I wash mine).  Both, in this way, can feasibly cite Christ-motivated values as the reason for embracing certain political values.

So, the very same “values” can lead two people to express strong (yet very different) political opinions.  If you and your fiancé can get to the core of the values behind your politics, and find they overlap or at least mesh (example:  Republican value – work hard; Democratic value – share your wealth, they work well in tandem), then you’re golden.

As far as going outside your relationship and trying to make the two “family worlds” mesh politically, they won’t.  The topic of politics can make even the meekest among us stand and deliver fire.  What you’ll need to do – and it isn’t easy, but it will keep some much needed peace in your family dynamic – is set boundaries.

 You will need to be proactive.  Long before you find yourself floundering awkwardly in a family setting in which the highly sensitive topic of politics arises, diffuse the dynamite.  Communicate to both sets of families, as a couple united, that you have some political differences.  Acknowledge that you are adults and well aware of the differences, but that you love one another very much and have found a way to move past your political differences.  (The following is the most important part.)  State that you have decided as a couple not to discuss politics with extended family members as a way of honoring both them and your relationship.  This may involve a little, polite “reminding” on occasion, as inevitably there will be those family members who “forget” the rule.

I know couples who have done this, and believe it when I say:  It’s successful.  You might have family members biting their lip to the point of near blood-drawing sometimes, but that’s alright.  It will keep extended, political tensions from inevitably moving inward to your relationship.

Play these DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

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