I’ll be the first to admit it, I was raised by a father, a mother, and the TV. I am a walking vessel of the cool I’ve seen on various screens and it’s informed how I think, how I dress, and how I talk to the ladies. So when Karla asked me for ideas for this week’s “Dirty Talk” theme, I wanted to work with what I knew.

So here’s how to talk dirty, as brought to you by my understanding of film, television and popular music.

Example #1

Snoop Doggy Dog’s 1992 Doggystyle:

Rap dudes know how to talk to the ladies, you pick up any hip hop album in the last 30 years and you’re going to learn something badass to say hands down, but I remember the first video for the title track, where Snoop’s girl was telling him to scram before her daddy got home. She told him “I love you” and he insisted it wasn’t him she loved, it was his “doggystyle”. This brings up some interesting arguments in academia over whether culture mirrors or effects behaviors, particularly for suburban white adolescents, but I digress.

This established some important things. Firstly, you should focus your dirty talk specifically on sex positions, that’s important, because it gives context. Secondly dirty talk shouldn’t be confined to the act of coitus exclusively, it works before and especially afterwards, where it gives you a cool aloofness that will stick in a girl’s head long after you’ve transformed into a Doberman and run off to a sweet barbecue in Long Beach. Thanks Snoop, you’re the man.

Lesson Learned: Be Baddass.

Example #2

Austin Powers

The 3 Austin Powers movies took in $670, 755, 251 at the box office worldwide, so it’s safe to say that everybody knows what I’m talking about. The International Man of Mystery had a mouth like aCare Bear Sewer, andused about every second of his screen time to bring out the playful side of blatant innuendo. Now, unless you have a ladyfriend with the strangest sense of humor on record, cracking a fart joke in the middle of your lovemaking is not going to constitute a “slick move”, but that doesn’t mean the Mike Myer cash cow can’t teach you anything. Austin Powers taught me that it’s ok to have fun, to crack jokes and to be yourself when you’re doing the nasty. More women than not think a guy’s sense of humor is as if not more important than his washboard abs, so cracking a silly joke when you’re in between the sheets can really get things rolling. There’s even been studies that suggest “women want a man who is a humor “generator,” while men seek a humor “appreciator.” Yeah baby.

Lesson learned: Have some fun for crying out loud.

Example #3

The Films of David Cronenberg (Videodrome, A History of Violence, Crash)

In the last days before internet, a young man’s only consistent brush with simulated sex came in the form of“blue” late night television, and nobody delivered more weird, sexy content then my main man D.C. This Canadian director has famously furnished inexperienced adolescents with the strangest, most fearful and uncomfortable sex scenes anywhere that can be viewed when after their parents have gone to bed. Whether it was going over the play-by-play of a car crash fetish (Crash), or role-playing aggressiveness (A History of Violence), or freakin’ Videodrome weirdness, it was always strange, unsettling and provocative. The stuff that came out of those actor’s mouths couldn’t have been more foreign to my understanding if it was in Mandarin. But as much as it confused me, it taught me that sex is a primal thing, and that sometimes dirty talk is a license to let your Id go a little bananas. Now, Maya Collins of Ezinearticles.com says that It wouldn’t be a good idea to start with something extreme, sleuthing out the most hardcore insults before your partner knows what you are up to. Instead, you can start by saying something like “I love how you lick my ears’ or if you are a man you could ask her to call your name.” I think she’s right, but after you’ve broken the dirty talk ice and found out you’re both into it, it might be time to pull out the Cronenbisms. We’ve all got issues and sometimes cutting your demons a little loose between the sheets can be a crazy turn on for both parties. Even if it means you’re both lying beside each other a little creeped out wondering what the hell just happened.

Lesson Learned: Let you Freak Flag Fly! 

So maybe my upbringing prepared me for dirty talk in the bedroom, maybe I’ve learned all I need to know from music videos and late night TV, or maybe next time I should wing it and say the first thing that pops into my head. Until then, call me Hans baby.

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I’m a bookworm pure and simple. If I have a free minute you’ll probably catch me with my nose in a book.   That said, I’m also a snob, so when Karla (Tokii Founder) asked me to read one of her Harlequin novels from the “Blaze” series,  I was skeptical.  For those who don’t know already, Blaze is the top level of sexiness, and here I was, reading away.

At the risk of sounding crude, I think it’s safe to assume these novels are generally written to perform much the same function for ladies as pornoflicks do for us fellas.  The idea is that men respond to visual stimuli while more cerebral fare turns the crank of your average gal a little better.

So, I didn’t think it would be fair to look at Sex, Straight Up through the lens of my literary experience.  Instead I want to put it toe to toe against one of my favorite “adult” movies, Debbie Does Dallas, and let the chips fall where they may.

Blaze vs Porn

Protagonists

Blaze

A bartending widower who needs to learn how to open his heart again.

Porno

A cheerleading stripper who has no intention of closing her legs.

Best Quote

Blaze

“I’m Sorry”, she said.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“Good.” Her hands were at his fly. “Because now we need to talk about the pants.”

Porno

“Well professor, maybe I could make up the grade with some extra curricular activities?”

“Well, there’s no time like the present.”

Best Sex scene (as chosen by the writer)

Blaze

The clumsy hulk and widower Daniel takes the inexperienced Catherine in his arms, as they undress, Daniel makes Catherine feel confident about her body, forgetting her inhibitions about the odd proportions of her body.

Porno

The cheerleaders and the offensive line throw a “bush” party that breaks out into an orgy faster than Michael Phelps can lap an above-ground pool.

Conclusion

So, I’m not going to pretend either of these qualify as high art, they’re both nonsense, but if we ever needed evidence that men and women on a whole approach sex differently, look no further.  Blaze breaks into the sexy stuff, but the wind up is long and all full of “will they, won’t they” stuff.”  Porn does a good job of cutting out the middle-man, but if we’re speaking plainly, it’s more skuzzy as a result.

They’re both just a good way to get the endorphins flowing, and they’re both just a strange substitute for a good romp between the sheets.  As the fella once said, “Ain’t nothing like the real thing”.

silences.

Posted By: Brock Swinson

With two Snow White movies  coming out in the same year, it’s obvious the fairy tale trend is spreading like a medieval plague. Snow White and the Huntsman and Mirror Mirror are on the big screen while Once Upon a Time airs weekly on ABC. Ironically, Disney also chose to shelve their version of Snow White into the Disney vault; meaning they temporarily take the video out of stores to release again later. Whether it’s television and film or comic books and novels, princesses and evil stepmothers are all the craze. In recent years, it’s difficult to clarify this fascination as a fad because fairy tales never really left the mainstream. In addition to Snow White, Catherine Hardwicke, hot off the Twilight project, followed up the Vampire love story with an updated Red-Riding Hood. In this version, the girl is actually in love with the werewolf. This updated, enhanced phase says a great deal about current society and modern relationships in general.

Ginnifer Goodwin from Once Upon a Time, concluded the following about the recent trend:  “I understand why society, especially American society is gravitating toward fairy tales given our economy. We’ve been exploring the world of witches and wizards for years. We’ve been exploring the world of vampires for years. Clearly the public–I mean, I feel like all of this was ushered in by Harry Potter–in my own fannish beliefs. But the world has been responding in the last 10, 12, 15 years very strongly to fantasies. I think it’s always been a reflection of where we are as a society.” This seems to be true, but it’s obvious that any fictional tale can take an audience into another world and help them escape from the present, if only for a moment. Movies are meant to help viewers escape and bring out an emotional response in an audience. Syd Field and countless film experts will always say that film is meant to elicit emotion. Perhaps Goodwin is right, but it seems there could be more to this trend. Perhaps we should continue down the rabbit hole…

The largest and most obvious difference in these new tales are the complex love stories and violence overload. On a timeline of movie-watchers, it makes sense that these movies are being viewed by former Disney fans. In the past, little boys and girls watched their favorite Disney heroes and villains fight it out until their VCRs finally ate the tapes. Back then, the stories always ended cleanly and were wrapped up with a bow on top. The villain was always defeated and the Princess was always swept off her feet by the handsome Prince. By using familiar characters (Snow White and Red-Riding Hood), the movie studios are cashing in on the fact that these children have grown into adults with realistic daily problems. Audiences want to see familiar characters but they also want to watch someone solve new-age problems. Rather than watching good-guy/bad-guy fights and kiss-curing-spells, audiences now want complex sexual relationships and gory violence. According to a popular online news source Back Stage West, “to the audience, a steamy love scene can be titillating and intimate; it can intensify the story and move it along.” Fairy tales have always ended rather cleanly. Perhaps this is part of the current fascination. Whether it’s a past-due mortgage or another year of college tuition, audiences need to see wrongs set right and the lost be found.

Harvard’s Maria Tatar, chairperson of Folklore and Mythology, has a slightly different theory on the recent fairy tale phase of mass media. In the New Yorker, she is quoted as saying:  “Boy heroes clearly had a hard time surviving the nineteenth-century migration of fairy tales from the communal heart into the nursery…Once mothers, nannies, and domestics were in charge of telling stories at bedtime; it seems they favored tales with female heroines.” It’s true. Except for Jack and the Beanstalk, most fairy tales focus on females. Tales provide female heroes and villains, and males in the stories are more like personified traits than actual characters. They don’t even have names. Just a list of traits and a title of Prince Charming will fit in nearly every story. As women of today have more and more complex roles in society, it’s possible some of their role models were Disney Princesses. Somewhere between Disney and Twilight, these women decided they didn’t want to wait around in an Ivory Tower and would rather go out and find their own Prince or resolve their own story.

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping merrily through the forest when out jumps the big bad wolf and says, “Aha, Little Red Riding Hood. I’m going to gobble you up … gobble, gobble, gobble!” Little Red Riding replies, “Gobble, gobble, gobble, that’s all they think about around here. Doesn’t anybody fuck anymore?”

Another version of the popular joke has the wolf threatening to fuck Little Red Riding Hood to which she replies by pulling a gun from her basket and admonishing, “Oh no you’re not, Mr. Wolf, you’re going to eat me just like the book says!”

Putting the M in Oral Traditions

Before Charles Perrault imbibed them with “useful morals” in his Tales of Mother Goose and the Brothers Grimm sanitized them for a Victorian audience a century later, fairy tales were oral traditions—sometimes in the most erotic sense. They were simply compelling folk stories meant to pass the time and any lessons they imbued were incidental. And, they certainly weren’t aimed at children either—that just happened to be a convenient market niche the Grimm brothers found they could exploit. In another hundred years, Walt Disney would complete the job of taking the juiciest parts out of the fairy tales and imparting them with his own suspect life lessons—ones that most often involved the pursuit of beauty and wealth above all else.

No Boys Allowed

However, in the earlier stories on which fairy tales are based, murder, cannibalism, decapitation and, of course, sex were popular—and common—themes. They were passed down by word of mouth for centuries by people for whom certain elements, such as werewolves, weren’t just analogies, but were flesh and blood human beings who turned into actual wolves. Earlier heroines weren’t the prissy Cinderellas of today, either. Red Riding Hood didn’t wait around to be rescued by the patriarchal huntsman. In one of the earliest known versions of the story, the wolf forces Red to do a striptease for him before coaxing her into bed with him. However, the girl pulls a ruse in which, leashed, she goes outside under the auspices of taking a shit.  The clever Red slips her tether and ties it to a tree. Before the wolf realizes he’s been had, Red escapes home, running naked through the woods.

Let Your Hair Down

Of course, finding creative ways to rob girls of their agency and making them obey their male masters has been a popular way of controlling women and, thus, their sexuality for centuries. “Fairy tales are at their core about sexuality,” says Catherine Orenstein, author of the book Little Red Riding Hood Uncloaked. They are about how society says we should behave and what is desirable in a partner. To illustrate just how much times have changed, in the distant past Rapunzel was letting her hair down in more ways than one. Instead of waiting around for a prince to rescue her, she was bringing one up for frequent trysts. Seamier subtexts were prevalent in earlier fairy tales as well. Necrophilia was prominent in early versions of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. In the latter, a passing king impregnates the sleeping Beauty. She awakens nine months later only after one of her newborn twins suckles the poisoned thorn from her finger. (Interesting how royals always seem to be wandering about looking for damsels in distress or, in this case, damsels to assault. It seems dragons and wicked stepmothers were the least of these heroines’ troubles.)

Spank Me, Stepmother

Fairy tales are a natural fit for BDSM community, says Orenstein. Dripping in blood and lust as they were, it is often difficult to decipher the lessons we’re supposed to take from those earlier eras, but it’s certainly no chore to imagine Cinderella as a helpless submissive or Snow White’s wicked stepmother as a whip-cracking dominatrix. “It is the collective scenario of master/slave,” says Orenstein. There are plenty of cultural truths to be found in fairy tales, she goes on, especially when it comes to beauty, passivity and cruelty.

The Real Big Bad Wolves

Perhaps it’s time once again to update those familiar fairy tales for a new, more empowered generation; one that recognizes what really happens when wealth is concentrated in a few hands and women are forced to publically endure countless humiliations by powerful misogynists. Happily ever after, it seems, only exists in modern fairy tales and, these days, real life can make a person harken back to a simpler age—a time when getting eaten by a wolf wasn’t necessarily the worst thing that could happen to you. Especially if he knew what he was doing.

When M L Kerr is not penning posts for Tokii, award-winning Portland, Oregon writer Michael Kerr takes solace in uncomfortable silences.

References:

Bottigheimer, Ruth B.. Grimms’ bad girls & bold boys: the moral & social vision of the Tales. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1987. Print.

Orenstein, Catherine. Little Red Riding Hood uncloaked: sex, morality, and the evolution of a fairy tale. New York: Basic Books, 2002. Print.

Ragan, Kathleen. Fearless girls, wise women, and beloved sisters: heroines in folktales from around the world. New York: W.W. Norton, 1998. Print.

Tatar, Maria. Off with their heads!: fairy tales and the culture of childhood. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1992. Print.

It goes like this: poor, oppressed common girl seeks handsome aristocratic man and dreams of a life with him, filled with love, beauty and unimaginable wealth. When her would-be betrothed first catches a glimpse of her, he is immediately smitten because, well, it is simply “meant to be.” However, first he must battle social prejudices/wicked stepmother/dragon in order to win her hand—which, of course, he inevitably does. In the end they ride off into the sunset and “live happily ever after.”

Romance In the Age of Hovercrafts

Okay, I buy all of it—the love at first sight, the riding off into the sunset, even the dragon—right up until the happily ever after. Oh, you creators of romantic fairy tales, have you never, ever met a real life couple? You forgot to factor in kids, mortgages and in-laws. To be fair, most of the fairy tales we’re familiar with today were borne of a time when many women’s only option for escaping excruciating poverty and labor was to “marry well.” These days, western women have a lot more agency and a little less tolerance for narcissists; dragon slayers they may be. It seems to me the romantic fairy tale is in dire need of a 21st century makeover.

Happily Ever _____

I’m no Prince Charming (or even Charles, for that matter) but, as far as “guys” go, I’m not so bad.  I can’t, however, for the life of me seem to make a relationship last. Believe me, I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. Longevity-wise, I once lived happily-ever-after for five years, meh for two years and one final year of seething resentment. (Fortunately, I got over the resentment and rekindled a cherished friendship—which is where our relationship should have stayed beginning eight years earlier.) And I’m a hopeless romantic.

Prince Enough

In fact, it seems the problem isn’t that I’m not Prince Charming, it’s that no man is. Even if he did exist in the real world, most women I know would tire of his misogynist schtick pretty quickly. “You know, Prince, I do appreciate you throwing your jacket over those puddles so I can walk across but, really, I’m perfectly capable of crossing that raging two inch deep stream by myself and, besides, I’m getting tired of washing that stupid coat!” Besides, most fairy tale princes seem to be empty-headed simpletons—wealthy and good looking, yes; good conversationalists, not so much. So what’s a poor modern girl to do?

Lower Your Expectations

There, I said it. I’m not saying you should set the bar on the ground, but if a life free from toil, heartbreak, poverty or any other mundane worldly concerns is your dream, you’d better find another world. In this one, even if you’re that one person ever who was fortunate enough to live the fairy tale, there’s a good chance it all could come to a sad ending, like with Princess Diana.

In his book, All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage, couples therapist John W. Jacobs points out, with regard to the consummate romantic fairy tale, Cinderella,

“Real life in [the fairy tale] teems with envy, greed, pettiness, unhappiness, ambition and vicious competition. But with the final union of the prince and Cinderella, all those problems are supposed to be conveniently erased by the triumph of romantic love and the presumed marital bliss that must inevitably follow”

He goes on to note that, even though we’re grown-ups, we somehow hope beyond hope that “marriage will bring the same relief to our lives.” Good luck with that.

Happy Enough Ever After

Although I’m no marriage counselor, I think I can take it from here. Having been in a string of relationships which have lasted from just a few hours after I slew the dragon to the aforementioned eight year marriageathon—and watched countless other people’s relationships implode before my eyes—I think I’m qualified to speak on the matter. There are no highs absent lows nor ups without downs. Relationships are like that. Hell, life is like that. Just because happily-ever-after can’t last, though, it’s quite possible that “happy enough” just might. But, then again, I’m a hopeless romantic.

References:

Jacobs, John W.. All you need is love and other lies about marriage: a proven strategy to make your marriage work, from a leading couples therapist. New York: HarperCollins, 2004. Print.

“Narcissistic personality disorder – MayoClinic.com.” Mayo Clinic. N.p., 4 Nov. 2011. Web. 14 May 2012. <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652>.

Had your weekly dose of drama?

It’s a burning question inquiring producers want to know.  Why?  Because they’re chasing ratings.  Bravo execs want to know if you’ve tuned in to watch:  cat fighting, a-little-on-the-heavy-side-of-recreational alcohol consumption, backstabbing, shopping, gabbing, partying and dream-seeking.  Specifically, TV officials want to know if you’ve tuned in to see how The Real Housewives live.

Currently delivering six versions of the reality TV phenomenon to hungry viewers, to include The Real Housewives of Vancouver, The Real Housewives franchise premiered in March 2006 with The Real Housewives of Orange County.   The series currently follows the lives of relatively wealthy housewives and professionals living and working in various American cities.  And… apparently, American viewers prefer to watch this type of salaciously catty behavior by women more than men.  In an attempt to answer The Real Housewives ratings craze, Fox Television piloted the series Househusbands of Hollywood in 2009.  It ended with continuously plummeting ratings after only 2 seasons.  Viewers have spoken.  Somehow, there is something more sating about peering in on the calamity in a woman’s life.

Is The Real Housewives series “real” at all?

Folks at RealityTea, a blog devoted solely to the inner workings of Reality TV (along with others who are baffled but watch anyway), can’t help but ask:  “Why? Why are we so drawn to the dysfunction, the orchestrated drama and the opportunity to observe women embarrass themselves and ruin their lives on national television? The even bigger question is: How much of this is reality at all?”  To answer the question of why they do it, there’s probably no single, resounding answer to satisfy all situations.  It’s probably safe to say, though, fully understanding the way women and families are portrayed on the show, that those willing to sign up anyway don’t mind the attention.   To RealityTea’s question about how “real” the Real Housewives’ public lives really are… it’s long been said that art imitates life.  Ironically, that may have been truer before the dawn of reality TV.  In fact, former Orange County Real Housewife, Peggy Tanous, stated to the , “We started meeting with producers to discuss storylines reveals. I started getting anxiety thinking about all the forced drama…”  Peggy cited the end of her friendship with another Real Housewife and the “contrived storylines” as her reason for bowing out of season two.

Sadly, the irreparable psychological and emotional effects of intense, nationwide scrutiny (and all that goes along with it) can’t be simply fixed by refusing another season.  The suicide of Real Housewife husband, Russell Armstrong, serves as a startling reminder that we all play a part in the risky business of Reality TV.

On the flip side, some of the risks taken by Reality TV’s most celebrated Real Housewives have proven well worth it.  Bethenny Frankel (Season 2005, Real Housewives of New York) would likely report that the same public awareness criticized by many reality stars helped boost her  career as a world-renowned author, entrepreneur and natural foods chef.  Frankel’s success story has echoed in the lives others, as well.  Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, Lisa Vanderpump, is slated to appear in a spin-off series about the inner workings of her new, Hollywood restaurant, SUR.  In the same vein, Real Housewives of Atlanta star, Kandi Burruss – has used star power gained by the Real Housewives franchise to help realize personal reveries.  Burruss, like Vanderpump, is set to star in a Housewives spin-off show, The Kandi Factory, which will feature Burruss soulfully crooning R&B hits.

Why do we watch?

Despite tragedies like Armstrong’s death as well as the fairytale-like stories of explosive success that don’t seem all that realistic to the average person, millions of viewers plop onto their couches, night after night, popcorn bowls clutched, to tune in.  The perplexing question remains:  Why?  It is intuitive to think we watch TV to escape the drama, stress and turmoil of reality.  It seems counterintuitive that we tune in to watch “reality” television, fixating on others in the landscape of their lives, wrought with many of the same stressors that leave us wanting to run for the hills.  So why do we do it?

According to a study led by psychologists Steven Reiss and James Wiltz, Reality TV allows Americans to indulge their own fantasies about garnering overnight fame.  Ordinary people can tune in to see people a lot like them and daydream that they, too, could become famous TV “celebrities.”  Reiss and Wiltz point out that it doesn’t really matter that these “celebrities” are often shown in an unfavorable light.  The fact that millions of viewers are paying attention suggests that these “ordinary people” are important.  Reiss and Wiltz point out that people reflect on some level to ask themselves, “If these former ‘nobodies’ can become stars, then why can’t I?”

The message of reality television is that ordinary people can become so important that millions will watch them.  Reiss and Wiltz learned from their investigation that the private thrill of many television voyeurs is that someday, those being watched – whose daily lives somehow garner the attention of millions – just might be us.

However, we should be careful what we wish for, because – like the Real Housewives – we, too, are reminded that few things come without their price.  Reality TV stardom is no exception.  Anna Wu with AOLtv points out that former reality TV celebrities are, essentially, stuck.  Wu reflects that they are “too well known to fully sink back into the shadows of normalcy after their fifteen minutes of fame, but they do not have the talent or star power” to further their celebrity careers.  Real Housewives’ experiences are a cue to reflect on our own lives, and how our actions necessarily affect the lives of others.  We propel them into the spectacular with our hunger for the sensational.  Without our viewership, after all, The Real Housewives and other reality TV shows wouldn’t exist.   As the modern-day maxim eloquently reminds us, “Not everyone is relevant to your purpose.  Don’t spend energy making irrelevant people relevant.”

Try our Fixed on Reality TV, Fixed on TV, and Fixed on Celebrities, and DiscoveryGames here:

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Affirmations of the Next Generation on Finding a Better World
By: Portia Brockway

On my morning walk today I encountered the scrawled graffiti: “Wiki is killing us.” A few generations from now, the creators of Wiki and its descendents may indeed have our young civilians killing, each other, on demand.

As The Hunger Games opens we see a youthful glimmer, a 12-yr old Prim (Rose), a delicate bud just ready to emerge, selected by the draw of a card by a perverse member of the Elite, to perish. The waif will be required to kill and probably die for the entertainment of the privileged class, a hardship directed toward the already poor coal-mining District 12.  We feel connected to her plight.

We are grateful to her elder sister, Katniss, for volunteering her warrior skills and spirit. She has a remote chance of survival. Impenetrable, serious, intuitive, caring and clever, Katniss would do anything to save her younger sister. She accepts the task to preserve and protect not only her self, but the “other”.

Young people find Katniss to be a fine role model. We are all taken by her strength and beauty, just as humanity has always admired physical prowess and courage, observed in the current-day Olympics, and at the ancient Roman Coliseum, where gladiators were the rave of the day. So, in the future, we return to the past: we inflict death.

As Katniss travels through the Elite-controlled forest in search of survival over the elements and 11 other youths set to destroy each other, we love her alliance with the younger Rue. We watch them save each other, and feel sad when Rue is lost in the next attack. Meanwhile, our heroine Katniss must put aside her feelings toward Gale, the guy she left at home, in order to save her life and that of her devoted, amorous friend, Peeta.

Katniss is wise. She must work to please a vicious culture in order to achieve what she sees as the Greater Good. In a flaming outfit she shoots daring arrows to garner her enemies’ approval, her to-be sponsors, who may save her life.

Many viewers and readers of The Hunger Games are shocked that our youth applaud the credo of self preservation, even through violence. Adults wonder that young people voluntarily, nay, with enthusiasm, adopt the concept. Yet what have we fed them in the media but violence, on a much expanded and more graphic level?

In many ways, this bittersweet film regenerates the human spirit. Swift, bold strokes of ambushed confusion are far less disturbing than the common stock in our media cabinet. And violence is part of life; we are no stranger to it, from our first witnessing of our parents’ inevitable matrimonial disputes to the red and black ants that kill each other in the back yard.

Even within this twelve member set being forced to destroy each other, there is often a sense of fair play: a war ethic. Favors between contestants are traded. Remedies for hallucination-inducing wasp stings are bestowed by sponsors. While the berserk Elite watch from remote chaise lounges, a canon cracks the air to celebrate each death. Champagne spouts as the voyeurs feast on savagery and elemental demise.

It is clear why the youth, and the adults, love this empowerment film. It takes us beyond the always-inaccurate-and-therefore-inapplicable expressions of racism, sexism and, (shall we find out in the sequel?), ageism. Through films like this we all develop our inner visionary, finding our future through pop culture. Our next generation is feeling its way along, refreshed by the gritty and sensuous spiritual balm of The Hunger Games.

Of course the irony here is how the mind and the heart must confront death in order to fully come to life. As the survivors dwindle, Katniss is allowed by the contest judges to team up with her hunky star of a potential boyfriend, Peeta. And when Society changes the rules back to everyone out for themselves, our adamant female again saves the day. She threatens ultimate withdrawal: death by berries. Multiple berries, handfuls of berries, berries that would bury them beyond the reach of a world that they have learned to entertain…

Thriving is the ticket to the future, not technology. Someday the phone company will not keep us on hold for 10 minutes and then assign us to an automated system that does not address our unique thoughts, concerns, and needs to “sort” with an actual mind, not bits and bytes. In that next generation we will live in circles of friends and relatives who will hold the sieve while we prepare divine nectars and earthy wholeness for dinner. We may choose to live in a world where the coal mines do not exist, and no one is hungry.

Technology may temporarily hold the controls yet, in the long run, Nature and its rhythms rule. Our greatest comfort is in the victory of Spirit, this shout of the next generation, born and bred in the hearts of those who have become before.

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Hunger Games and Twilight Movies : Teen Realities, or Misleading Fantasies?

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By : Russell Bradley Fenton

Dear Parents,

“The Hunger Games,” “Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part One,” and “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part Two” were like the three best movies to come out in a long time. Katniss and Peeta are trying to stay alive on a TV show. Bella and Edward are going to have a baby vampire. Harry may not live to kill Voldemort. It all makes sense. Everybody’s always in our business, trying to ask us how we feel or what we’re going through. Why do you care so much? You’re not living our lives. Trying to agree with us that the movie is “awesome” and “exciting” – you’re just saying what we want to hear.

This is why we love these movies: because they’re exciting and totally possible; because it’s not about some stupid adult or little kid or a cartoon character; because we’re the main characters for once and we’re the victims; because they’re warnings to adults to listen up and see what we’re doing; and because they’re just like the books. Bella gets married and has sex with Edward! Katniss loves Peeta but they have to hunt each other, like Romeo and Juliet! Harry, Ron, and Hermione are out of Hogwarts, finally, and they get to go after Voldemort with their magic powers that they have been learning to use all this time.

We think Bella should be with Edward. Her life sucks so much without him. Why shouldn’t she be like the others – the vampires? Everybody hates them in society. Wouldn’t it be easier to be with someone you love who can do so much more than a normal human? Any normal teenager would want more than what they have. We would totally take up the chance to become one, especially if it meant not having to finish high school.

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two” was also pretty good last year. You could feel all the pain Harry suffered and how Voldemort tortured him constantly. It’s really good that the movies got away from all the kid stuff and started making them teenagers, you know, growing up and having to deal with their problems. Even wizards think about sex, jealousy, who’s popular, who’s double-crossing you, and whatever. We wish some of our parents could be like the professors at Hogwarts.  Things wouldn’t be so difficult.

These are the movies that we want, not some stupid movie about horses, or Sherlock Holmes, or even Greek Gods and Goddesses. None of it is real, just stuff that parents think would be fun or something little kids want to waste their time with.

From the Teens

Dear Teens,

Several of us went to the movies last night with our teenage daughters and sons to see “The Hunger Games” and we have to say: has it come to this? Not to sound totally square but what’s with all these movies aimed at teens (that’s you) that wallow in non-stop angst, anger, fear, and loathing towards everything in the world, including adults? Our generation watched John Hughes films like “The Breakfast Club” or “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” movies that dealt with teen angst, relationships, and trying to live life to the fullest. The message was hopeful. There may not have been violence, promiscuous sex, or even death, but these films spoke to teenagers and still made tons at the box office.

“The Hunger Games” and the “Twilight” films might seem dazzlingly original and staggeringly provocative, but the themes explored in both stories are hardly one-of-a-kind. Twelve years ago, a Japanese film called “Battle Royale” became the all-time box office champion in Japan. It had a similar story about kids pitted against each other, with weapons, in a last-man-standing contest. The 1924 short story “The Most Dangerous Game” chronicled a hunter on an island chased by another hunter trying to kill him. History repeats itself and there’s nothing wrong with borrowing from past works. In fact, it clearly demonstrates how some stories remain primal over the years to readers and audiences. Our only beef is just how exaggerated the situations are in these recent works. Bella may seem an amazing heroine because you can relate to her insecurity and despair, but doesn’t “Twilight” seem to celebrate her pathos rather than critique it? Bella makes no effort to fix her personal issues and joins a vampire clan, which only intensifies her insecurities.

Obviously, Hollywood sees the profit in producing YA books into film because you all love them so much. Nevertheless, are horror and sci-fi the genres that speak to you the most? Is it that cool to be a vampire or trying to find and kill another teen? The latter especially seems influenced by violent, gory video games.  Yeah, they’re all supposed to be fun, and they’re not real, but do you see the connection? How many of you saw the 2010 R-rated superhero flick “Kick-Ass?” Did you think it was funny seeing a costumed eleven-year-old girl saying words like “C—t” and “F—k”? Did you laugh because it’s outrageous and offensive? How about when superhero kids slice up goons, riddle them with bullets like video game targets, crush them in car compacters, etc? Did it fill you with ease and satisfaction to see adults getting their just desserts? We’re sorry, but that whole message just seems kind of screwed-up to us.

The “Transformers” franchise, another box office monster, seems inspired by video games and aimed at pre-teens, but do you all enjoy them as much? Hollywood thinks your attention spans are shortening, so wall-to-wall special effects can replace story and characters. On the flip side, “Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part One,” the latest in the “Twilight” franchise, has a much-talked-about sex scene between the two heroes, Bella and Edward, as well as an anti-abortion message. Apart from that, there’s barely a story. It has been statistically shown that teens have sex earlier and earlier than ever before. “Breaking Dawn” sends out a confused message: if you get pregnant, girls, then have the baby because an abortion would mean killing it. Without the vampire backdrop, you would be left with a pregnant teen and an unborn child. Would the answer be just as easy? We think not. It’s a tough subject to which “Breaking Dawn” doesn’t do justice. It’s a big deal, having sex at an early age, and worse, having a baby.

Maybe there’s other film or book genres that deal with teen issues more honestly. “The Hunger Games” or “Twilight” books are not the only things to offer. Why be “sheeple” and go see these movies that aren’t all that uplifting or even challenging for the mind? To be fair, do as the character Bella would do: find some alternate way of life. We’re not suggesting “Go be a vampire!” or compete on a “survival” game for TV.  It’s just that these books favor the scenarios rather than the themes supposedly being explored. Are the survival elements and bloodsucking more important than the message: teen life sucks and how do we deal with it?

We were teenagers once. We experienced what you’re going through: sex, gender, self consciousness, and the world in general. You think you know everything but, to be blunt, you don’t. We know this because we don’t know everything and we’re adults! We’re still learning and will always be learning. We can and will listen to you. Maybe you don’t have to make the same mistakes or suffer the same hardships.

Sincerely,

The Parents

Russell Bradley Fenton is a screenwriter, actor, film reviewer, and freelance author who offers his services through elance. He also works as a substitute teacher, hence his somewhat understanding of all the teen craze over the latest YA novels adapted for the screen. He currently resides outside Detroit, Michigan.

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Relationships are complicated, especially so when there has been love, hate and everything in between.

This movie took me through a merry ride of questioning, as it lead me through the complexity of the relationship between Jake (Alec Balwin) and Jane (Meryl Streep) after ten years of divorce. There were times when I rooted for the couple and hoped that they would get back together again. Other times Jake would say or do something incredibly egotistical or self-centered and immediately I flipped to the other side of the coin.

Enter Steve Martin, as Adam and the complications increased. Now I found myself arguing about whether Jane should chose this sweet man, still hurting from his divorce, two years earlier or whether he was so delicate that she would end up mothering him for the rest of their mythical lives.

I laughed out loud. That’s unusual, movies don’t often get that type of reaction from me when I’m watching them alone, but I laughed lots. The director and writer, Nancy Meyers managed to engage the viewer in some pretty heavy topics and emotions and do it all while keeping up the laughs.

The one area that I was most surprised by, were the reactions of the children to the possible reunion of their parents. Generally Hollywood movies have presented children of divorced couples as eternally desiring that their parents be a storybook, happily ever after couple. Meyers, complicated the entire story in a far more realistic way. The children had long since reconciled themselves to the parents divorce and as much as they enjoyed the friendly camaraderie of their parents, they certainly did not want to see the couple get back together again.

Regardless of the twists and turns of the story and the laughs, Tokii couples still clearly believe in the sanctity of marriage with 82% of men and 77% of women reinforcing that affairs are never okay, regardless of the circumstances.

The reviews have been mixed, but I laughed and laughter is good for our health. Sure I would have been better off doing something more productive for my health, but on the other hand, there were lots of other movies I could have watched and not laughed. This one was okay.

Head to Tokii.com and play the It’s Complicated DiscoveryGame today.

*Statistics taken from actual Tokii community on February 3, 2012

Kramer vs. Kramer was released in the days before VCRs. In those days movies were released in the theatres and it could be years before they came on television.

After watching the movie this past week, it’s hard to connect to those days when Joanna’s (Streep) decision to leave her child to “find herself” would have been so completely foreign and controversial. Although it’s still not that common for women to leave their children in the care of their fathers, it happens enough that we don’t view the mother as some form of aberration.

What might be most difficult for younger viewers to relate to, is the completely uninvolved roll that Ted Kramer (Hoffman) took in raising their son, Billy before the divorce. That is so foreign to the culture of parenting today that even those of us who grew up during that period or before, have probably forgotten what it was like.

I remember not so long ago, speaking with an elderly woman who wanted to spend a day shopping in the city. Her dilemma was that she didn’t have time to prepare her husband’s lunch before she left and therefore she doubted that she would go. Old customs die hard.

Many say “Kramer vs. Kramer” was key to getting millions of men more involved with child rearing. Others respond that it would be overstating it to say that this movie was a key element to the cultural shift in a father’s role in parenting. After all, the impact of the feminist movement was being powerfully felt through all facets of society of the day. However, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that this movie was one of the first to address the dramatic changes in the social makeup of roles within a family. We asked Tokii members if this movie was a key element of change, 50% of men and 23% of women felt that it may have.

Is it relevant today? Yes,  it is important for young people to see how far society and family values have changed. Although divorce is always unfortunate, it forced a change in society that certainly improved the relationship of men and their children.

Head to Tokii.com and play the Kramer vs. Kramer DiscoveryGame today.

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*Statistics taken from actual Tokii community on February 3, 2012

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