I always feel like because February 14^th is smackdab in the middle of the Winter, it’s like nature extending us a challenge.  Yeah it’s cold and dark, it’s our job to battle the elements and make it warm and bright for our partners.  Nothing brightens up Valentine’s Day like the act of spoiling your significant other, but buying a gift that says everything you’re feeling, for both guys and gals, can be an expensive and emotionally tricky endeavor.

It’s clear from our Tokii audience that opinions on what we want/expect from each other are divided among the sexes.  The only thing we can all agree on with any predictability is a weekend getaway (60% of women and 50% of men are gung ho!), whereas 32% of fellas would be content to spend the day in bed fooling around compared to a miniscule 9% of the fairer sex.  On that point, Marriage therapist Melody Brooke can both sympathize and lament.  “Unfortunately, women don’t enjoy sex with the same singularity of focus that men do. What is sad is that they don’t get it that fooling around in bed all day is also a great chance to get the other intimacy met, like; touch, communication, connection, and play.”

So it appears what we want on Valentines Day, and probably any other day, is shaded with our different needs and tastes, but tied with what the day means for us and of course the dynamics of our relationships.  It could be that so many of us have a hard time being creative for the occasion (35% of guys and 61% of gals) breaks down to a simple lack of communication.  Melody Brooke chips in again “Women don’t think that its their job and are usually not even aware of what men would find “romantic”. Whereas, men, have been shown in the media and culture how to be romantic. Coming up with things that are romantic and unique requires a level of intimacy, that, unfortunately, most people don’t possess.”

So, Tokii Community, this is a call to arms. Let’s use February 14^th, 2012 to do something really special, really memorable!  Let’s put in the extra thought and effort, and make it special!  Maybe Tokii readers can start a love revolution!  Let’s make it a night you tell your starry-eyed grandkids about.

 If you enjoy this post, you should check out our other Valentine’s Day Posts

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and except for the very few of us guys with foresight that stretches past our nose, it means a trip to the florist, a blind rush through jacked up prices and frantic coffee break-forsaking cashiers, and a dozen red roses for our better halves.

Well, it turns out that the Tokii members of the gentler sex have had it with our requisite gestures, and a whopping 91% of our gals surveyed think that roses simply don’t get the job done on Valentine’s Day, and since 70% of our fellas put getting lucky at the top of our list, it’s time we started looking at these things differently.

There’s plenty of alternatives that give us a bigger bang for our buck, 20% of our gals think a nice dinner out qualifies as perfect, while 37% want some bling and a good third more want a day at the spa.

Here’s what I think.  This isn’t a war on Bouquets, flowers are as nice as they’ve ever been.  What the ladies are saying, in a round about way, is that it’s the thought that counts.  I mean any thought.  Jewelry is great by itself, but it also means you spent an hour or more in the trenches looking for something that you thought would look great on her, and Spa packages mean that you walked into one of those places and had an awkward conversation for no other reason than her pleasure.  You see a pattern here fellas?  If you’re clever, you can probably get away without paying anything and still come out a champ, so long as you sink some genuine thought into the matter.  You know and love your partner better than anybody else out there, so dig deep into your memory banks and do something special for her that nobody else could?  Bring up some nostalgia, or reenact your best date, do something special and you can’t miss.

And Ladies, you know exactly what we want, the same thing we want on our birthday, Thanksgiving, Daylight Savings time, Wednesdays!  So if you’re after making us feel like superheroes this February 14^th, do something special in the Bedroom.  We may be simple creatures, but we’re easy to shop for!

Play Tokii’s Valentine’s Day: Gift Giving DiscoveryGame!

Our Tokii members served up some interesting data about their attitudes, ideas and expectations for Valentine’s Day.  Speaking as a bumbling husband myself, I usually get a little god-smacked about what I’m supposed to be doing beyond bringing home the “gouge-pricing” Roses and picking out a Hallmark card that balances out “funny” and “Romantic” without slipping into the cheesy camp.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling a little impish about the one-sided nature of this time of year. David Simonsen, of Creative Solutions Counseling puts it this way:

”We are in a society where men are supposed to make the moves, plan the dates, ask for marriage. Men get tired of this. They want to be sought after and respected. This stat doesn’t surprise me. There is nothing a man wants more than to be wanted. What better way to show it than on Valentine’s Day. It’s a great opportunity to shake things up in a relationship. If it happened more often that men were treated special on V-day I would daresay many relationships would not end horribly.”

Even though more than a third (37%) of the Tokii gals said they didn’t think Valentine’s Day is important to the men in their lives, you’re not likely to find a fellow who wouldn’t enjoy some extra attention.

And while we’re on the topic of “Attention”, the elephant in everybody’s bedroom is whether or not getting busy on V-Day is a top priority.  Even for those of us that think of Valentine’s Day as a “Hallmark Holiday”, Feb 14^th is an occasion that’s tailor-made for a little hanky panky, and too many of us are looking this gift horse in the mouth.  Our Experts Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, authors of “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” say: “We were disappointed to see that only 11% of women thought having sex on Valentine’s is important. Having sex in a relationship is important, period.  Good sex induces the release of oxytocin and dopamine. It fosters trust a feeling of closeness long after the act itself is over From an attachment perspective sex can be a miracle worker.”

I’ll confess though, sometimes I feel like I’m on the outside looking in.  That said, I know Valentine’s Day matters a lot to my better half, and that missing or forgetting to celebrate the day would be a bad move on my part.  After all, 95% of our guys thought the holiday was important to their partners.  But whether you can’t get enough of Valentines Day or the whole thing feels like a chore, Sex Therapist Dr. Erica Goodstone  of Drericawellness.com helps us remember what’s really important.

“It is easy to get caught up in getting, receiving and having at least as much as others have.  But if we choose instead to appreciate what we do have, the love of our chosen partner, then a valentine is a mere formality and not really significant.”

If you’ve got someone to love, then you’ve got the most important thing covered.  The rest is just window dressing, so this year be thoughtful, be loving, and try to have a little fun (and fellas, splurge on roses, they work like magic!)

Play Tokii’s Valentine Expectations DiscoveryGame!

If you enjoyed this post, you should check out our other Valentine’s Posts