By: Russell

Anyone could tell you a number of reasons for why sex, drugs, gambling, and skipping meals are so trendy now. Perhaps it’s the people you hang out with every day. Maybe it’s good advice from your parents, living vicariously through you. The real reason, however, is television and its partner in crime, the internet. So many people in this country take what they see on the news and web as strict reality. Even worse, since film and television celebrities are the royalty in America, everyone should be doing what they’re doing.

Every year, CNN, FOX, ABC, and NBC unfold at least half a dozen stories about stars with drug addictions, winding up in rehab, or becoming born again. What’s shocking is how the continual “looping” of this news suggests a sick fascination, rather than a condemnation, of stars with drug habits. Charlie Sheen had his multiple benders, but claimed he was “Born ready…winning,” spoke People magazine. Lindsay Lohan bounces between Betty Ford Clinic and the county jail. Whitney Houston died from a cocaine overdose, but reporters from LA Times and Y! Music headlined there was also Benadryl, marijuana, Xanax, and Flexiril in her bloodstream. This obsession with stars’ sordid lives seems more celebratory than anti-drug. Being a victim of drug abuse makes it okay to become an addict.

An addiction to sex is certainly healthier than drugs or gambling, and it’s all over television and film. What is particularly trendy, however, is that kids and teens are becoming more established in the forefront of it. Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber attracts millions of girls and symbolizes sex for a young age. Hannah Montana, the glamorous teen rock star played by Miley Cyrus, is hardly a stature for abstinence. In the recent blockbuster “The Hunger Games,” the producers have put the “sex” into survival with teen actress Jennifer Lawrence playing the lone hero Katniss. Her physique is fit and her outfit isn’t exactly rags or hand-me-downs.

Gambling is still glamorous, even in today’s struggling economy. From those humorous Vegas TV commercials to the movies and TV shows that celebrate casino life.  Hit comedies like “The Hangover,” certainly sparked further interest in Sin City for those who hadn’t experienced its expensive charms. The most responsible culprit, however, for gambling addiction could be the internet. Avid players can flip on their PC or Mac and spend hours hitting craps or Texas Hold-em, all within the comfort of their home. That saves plenty of gas money in today’s economy.

Finally, not eating food is probably the oldest trend in Hollywood. It’s also the biggest problem because people, especially women, across the country feel they have to look just like celebrities. If Scarlett Johansen or Halle Berry can look gorgeous on the red carpet, why shouldn’t millions of other moms, fiancées, teen girls, etc, do the same?  Reality shows like “The Biggest Loser” single out obese people and aggressively market the show as an instigator to lose weight. Commercials for dieting push for thinner people: Activia yogurt; Sensa sprinkles; Weight Watcher meals. Put that Twinkie down!

Hollywood and celebrities will probably always radiate that special allure to the mass public. Television and the cinema supposedly speak higher truths to the American viewers rather than books or printed newspapers. So what other trends can we expect created from television, film, and the internet? Apart from sex, drugs, gambling, and dieting, the social milieu is rife with possibilities.

Try These DiscoveryGames – discover yourself and your partner on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level and have fun while doing it.

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That old adage “never talk about sex, politics or religion” should never apply to a couple! Firstly, to have a healthy and satisfying relationship, a couple should be very open with each other regarding sex and religion. Think of the disastrous consequences that can arise if you withhold your views on these topics and then discover that you are polar opposites who are unable to find comfort or compromise!

The Olympic Games aren’t always about glitzy opening ceremonies and gold medals. In the past 100 years, there have been some shocking scandals that have rocked the international games. Take a look at some of the most astonishing events to occur at the games thus far…

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The Olympics are nigh! For two weeks all eyes are on London, the ceremony, the competition and hundreds of superhuman bodies all doing what they do best, and the people at Tokii are no exception!  We wanted to know everything our members think about the Olympic games, and you answered the call in Gold Medal fashion!  Whether you thought it was all about national pride, or about the athletes stories, or about all the eye candy parading around in their bathing suits, the Tokii Community had plenty to say!

This year’s London Olympics will no doubt be one of the world’s greatest attractions, bringing together people and cultures from all over the globe in order to witness the world’s most elite athletes compete for gold medals.

For starters, London has already successfully hosted the Olympic Games on two occasions: in the years 1908 and 1948. Now the city will boast the most modern sports infrastructure of the planet, with tracks and stadiums that will be packed with the latest technological advancements. These range from world-class medical facilities to ultra high-definition cameras and high-sensitivity movement sensors. On top of this, thanks to the dramatic evolution of global communications, these will be the first Olympic Games that almost everyone in the world will be able to experience in full via popular social media platforms, such as Facebook and Twitter.

But, while the Olympics are an unparalleled venue to bring together entire countries, can we say the same about couples? The answer is a definite yes. Here are a few tips and reasons for you and your significant other to enjoy the Olympics- and strengthen your bond while you do it!

Great reason to learn about London

London is considered one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. It is also one of the most romantic, offering visitors amazing sites, vistas and attractions–the Thames River, the Tower of London, Windsor and Stonehenge, to name a few–all of which normally receive dozens of millions of tourists every year. So why not use the Olympic Games as a pretext to know and learn more about this beautiful city? If you are lucky enough to be there with your partner, you will no doubt find terrific places to visit together. If you both are still on the other side of the pond then you will still be able to visit some of the city’s best locations thanks to the magic of HDTV.

Have you ever wanted to exercise together?

Have you or your partner ever wanted to play some sports together but never found the time or the mood for it? What better reason than the Olympic Games to put on your workout clothes and feel the spirit of the most popular sports by going jogging, swimming and playing any other sport together. You will both feel energized and glad to be doing something healthy and fun together. (Not to mention, you’ll both be grateful of the noticeable improvements that exercising will bring to your sex life!)

Become closer by cheering for your country

This one works regardless if you both are from separate countries. Both of you can take this opportunity to dress in your country’s colors and cheer together for your teams. And if each of you supports a different country, then you can have even more fun by teasing one another! All while sharing Friendship, Respect and Excellence – the true values of the Olympics.

Enjoy some London local food, even if you are not there

One of the great aspects of London is its terrific cuisine, making it the culinary capital of the country. This provides the perfect opportunity for you and your partner to cook some popular local dishes, such as Pie and Mash or Sunday Roast. You will not only enjoy a treat, but will also find that eating local is one of the best ways to get into the Olympic Spirit.

Spend a romantic getaway in a top class hotel

Who says that the Olympic Games can’t be romantic? Just imagine booking a room with a beautiful view in a great hotel. Once in it, you and your partner can enjoy the Olympics on TV feeling the center of the action. After the day’s events are over, you can focus on each other and create an unforgettable Olympic vacation without even being in London.

As you can see, the city of London will not only be a perfect venue for the 2012′s Olympics- it will also provide plenty of opportunities for couples to become closer. All you need is somewhere to watch the sports events together and a team to root for. You won’t believe how close you will feel to each other when you share the rush of seeing your favorite team win the gold.

In politics you can’t please everyone all of the time, but some get closer to the mark than others. Regardless of their popularity, a president’s decisions affect the American population for generations, so it’s always important to understand what laws are being passed and the context in which they’re being created.  As the 2012 elections are fast approaching, we wanted to take a close look at President Obama’s accomplishments so far, and how they’ve affected the American people, and more to the point, married couples.

#1.  Passage of the Affordable Care Act

Obama’s signature legislative accomplishment, The Affordable Care Act, expanded access to healthcare to include coverage for the roughly 50 million Americans who were not previously covered because they could not afford it.

The law just passed the Supreme Court stink test (in regards to its constitutionality) and it’s still being contested in some States, but by and large, Obamacare is now the law of the land. For married couples, particularly couples with children negatively impacted by the ongoing recession, the implications are considerable.  The new law means that health insurance is attainable for all citizens, and that insurance companies can’t turn away folks because of “pre-existing conditions”.  It’s means more people are able to see a doctor and that less people will be forced into bankruptcy simply because they get sick.

Of course, the bill ruffled many feathers, and it’s become serious ammunition for the Republicans looking to unseat the president this December.  They claim that it expands the government’s already bloated role in the lives of the citizenry and business, and that implementing the law will cause the median level of medical service to sink.  That’s not to mention the bill.  Because the full effect of the bill isn’t going to hit until 2014, there’s no telling how much it’s actually going to cost our already stretched coffers, but nobody’s arguing that it isn’t going to be expensive, because, hey… they aren’t giving MRI’s away are they?   But then, since 60% of American bankruptcies are thanks to medical bills, and a huge portion of marriages end because of financial issues, maybe there’s something to be said there too.

There’s people on the left of the political spectrum who think the bill didn’t go far enough, and that truly socialized medical coverage like the rest of the western world would be more appropriate, but they generally applaud the president’s move in what they see is the right direction.

Overall the bill has made the president more popular with women, which almost always makes him less popular with men.  For those married couples who were already covered before Obamacare came to be, this is probably the biggest effect.  Those political arguments around the dinner table can get a little nasty when you suspect your wife has a crush on the commander in chief.

#2. Taxes

Nobody likes em, but they certainly do make the world go ‘round.  During the President’s first term, corporate taxes have remained at an all time low, but he’s made overtures to the public to change the tax equilibrium should he be given another four years.  The game plan he’s presenting to Americans is a politically charged one, but for most married couples, it won’t be a dramatic change on their pocket book.

Obama is proposing a tax hike on the “rich”, but for married couples who make less than 250,000 a year, their taxes should actually decrease, if only slightly.  It’s clear that the president wants to make some political hay over the fact that the rich have been getting richer at an unprecedented rate, but of course that digs up the entire American pathos over achieving your dreams vs. social responsibility and puts him against the sort of people who pay for campaigns, own the media, and ostensibly, create jobs.

So for married couples, how this plan looks depends greatly on what side of a quarter million a year they’re sitting on.  That sort of attitude has the power to dramatically change the American political landscape, but it could just as easily be posturing for the upcoming election.  Time will tell.

Regardless of party affiliation, it isn’t controversial to state that the above Obama policies (and proposed policies) will profoundly impact the United States and will influence politics, social culture and the economy for generations to come.  The Affordable Healthcare Act alone is arguably the greatest expansion of federal power since the agencies and programs implemented during the Great Depression last century. Beneficial or detrimental, it’s a program that will change the politics and policies of the United States; we just don’t know how it will do that yet.  Obama’s policies and goals regarding taxes and healthcare will require much more time in order to fully understand how they impact the country, American couples and families specifically. As we’ve done in the past, Americans will take it in stride and move forward, together.

The average Joe may feel ho-hum about a number of things – like parsley as a garnish, or Tuesday versus Wednesday, or the color grey.  Ask any person about his or her thoughts on same sex marriage, however, and the engines seem to quickly ignite.

A Little History

Same sex marriage… “It’s complicated.”  This modern day, largely-American debate has all the makings of great drama:  a challenge to something traditional, a divisive moral debate, and opposing forces stuck in a stalemate.  That there is drama over whether or not individuals of the same gender should be allowed to enter into a legal state of matrimony, however, is nothing new.  Historically, states haven’t agreed about the level of control state governments should have in domestic affairs.  The federal government, by and large, has ducked to avoid such issues altogether.  As we can observe from Roe v. Wade, federal intervention in serious domestic issues is proven to set long-lasting legal precedents, and have tremendous power to polarize groups – even amongst friends and families.

If it’s true – the old adage about art imitating life – is it also true that our legal conundrums, and ultimately our final laws, also imitate life?  Joanna Grossman of Hofstra University’s School of Law, suggests that the same-sex marriage controversy is a recycling of a long history of morally-based legal fights that spring from hot social and moral topics.  According to Grossman, from a historical perspective, the great squabble over whether or not like-gendered individuals should be allowed to legally marry is a classic “sign of American times.”  Though British rebels so long ago set out to break “free” from many of the moral limitations imposed by government, Americans may not be able to escape our largely Puritan-driven heritage.

It is this paradox at the center of American society that has historically and persistently caused a lot of glitches in law-making.  Our country was founded on the fight for freedoms that should be afforded to all, yet is tempered by religious roots we have trouble shaking when it comes to some of the specifics.

In other countries like: the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland and Argentina, same-sex unions are readily accepted. This socially unique phenomenon begs a little exploration into the Great American Debate.

Same Sex Marriage: The “For” Side

Supporters of same sex marriage in this hot, history-making debate feel the majority of those who oppose same sex marriage do so – quite simply – because of their personal religious beliefs. They contend that America was founded on the concept of “liberty and justice for all” so it’s not right to make laws based on any one group’s religious preferences and – essentially – “pick and choose” who is really included in the group that should enjoy the “unalienable rights” so fervently discussed in America’s Declaration of Independence. In response to nay-sayers who cite the preservation of the American family as their reason for opposing same-sex unions, supporters call foul, saying this is merely a religious argument in disguise.

Other supporters of same-sex unions (like President Obama, in a recent outing of his own – his strong opinion about same-sex marriage) used his Christian faith as the very basis of his support for same sex marriage. In fact, Obama cited the Golden Rule of “Do Unto Others…” taught by Jesus in the gospels, as his basis for supporting like-gender, legal marriages.

Cathy Speck, a partner in a same-sex union in California where same-sex marriage has been made legal, spoke in front of the senate and offered the following personal anecdote in defense of gay marriage:

When we step out of California, or deal with federal laws, we have none of those rights. This means if Linda and I travel out of state and my ALS requires a trip to the emergency room or a hospital stay, Linda could be denied the right to be with me at a time when I could be breathing my last breath.

When I die, Linda will not get my social security benefits. For heterosexual couples all over the country, when a person dies, their spouse gets their social security benefits. You get a monthly stipend because you’ve been paying into social security all your working life. You then draw off that money after you retire and if you die, it goes to your spouse or your dependent.

However, since the federal government does not recognize our marriage, Linda won’t get that. All the money I would have gotten to help support us if I were to grow older just goes back to the government.

Same Sex Marriage: The “Against” Side

But allowing same-sex marriage, says Eve Tushnet, a celibate, gay, conservative, Catholic writer, can only bring one of three less-than-ideal outcomes:

• A two-tiered marriage culture, where moral standards are different for heterosexual and homosexual couples
• A reshaping of the institution of marriage into an optional, individualized arrangement for every couple
• An institution that encourages all couples to restrict sex to marriage and encourages marriage for life, with the hope that same-sex couples accept norms initially designed to meet heterosexual needs

It’s a learned (and interesting to be sure, coming from a celibate, gay Catholic!) way to say:  If gay individuals are allowed to legally marry in the same way that has traditionally been reserved for heterosexuals, then marriage, itself – and what it means – will change.

Is that a bad thing?  For those who vehemently oppose same sex marriage, the answer is a resounding “yes.”  Those who oppose gay marriage, by default, support straight marriage, and if you ask supporters, never the twain shall meet (heterosexual married people and gay married people).  Whether religiously motivated or merely rooted in the comfort of tradition, many in strong opposition of same sex marriage cite the breakdown of the traditional family if homosexuals marry and enjoy the same societal and filial benefits of the traditional married couple.

Who Will Win the Great Debate?

The argument over whether or not it is a bad thing for the modern family to be defined in new ways is rooted in a fundamental clash of ideas about social institutions in general.  In this case, the true fight is over the meaning of marriage… what it stands for, what its goals are, and – quite simply – what it looks like.

Whether individuals on opposing sides will agree is ultimately going to have to be up to the individuals engaged in the dialogue.  Whether politics and law will land on one, overarching answer to this great debate… unlikely.

Amie Martin is a master-level social worker, freelance writer, and mom/stepmom to five wonderful, quirky, interesting children.

Sources:

Franck, Matthew.  On gay marriage, is Obama ‘imposing his religion’? The Washington Post published May 5, 2012

Grossman, Joanna L., Civil Rites: The Gay Marriage Controversy in Historical Perspective (March 18, 2010). Law, Society and History: Essays on Themes in the Legal History and Legal Sociology of Lawrence M. Friedman, Robert Gordon, ed., Cambridge University Press, 2010; Hofstra Univ. Legal Studies Research Paper No. 10-10.

Oppenheimer, Mark.  A Gay Catholic Voice Against Same-Sex Marriage.  The New York Times; published: June 4, 2010

Ouellette, Alicia R., Moral Reasoning in Judicial Decisions on Same-Sex Marriage. Philosophy and Sex, p. 168, 4th ed., Prometheus Books, 2009.

Marriage Equality USA

By March 13th, more than 76 million people had viewed KONY 2012.

Uganda was trending on Twitter at an unprecedented rate and the blogosphere teemed with attacks and defenses of Invisible Children, the San Diego-based nonprofit group that produced the half-hour documentary about the notorious Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony. In fact, it is reported, “this is moving at a faster clip than the Susan Boyle video!”

While Tokii may be an internet site for couples, this story about children certainly grabbed our attention as it would for any parent or person. Yes, we’ve read the immediate criticism of the campaign made by media, government and academia ranging from ‘Where were they 15 years ago?” to “Is this really as big and current an issue as it’s made out to be?’ Whatever the company’s validity, you have to be impressed at the ingenious approach and phenomenal marketing strategy demonstrated by Invisible Children’s media savvy. Which begs the question, what’s the bigger story here? Joseph Kony, or the possibilities of social media?

Please check out and carefully consider our new DiscoveryGame KONY2012 and let us know how you feel about the issue.

Our hearts go out to these children and around the office we bought t-shirts & bracelets, but we’re still left with a lot of questions ourselves. Whether it’s 5,000 or 50,000 children that were forced into killing others, enslaved into prostitution, or were raped, these are abhorrent and despicable acts against humanity. The fact that the World Court has Kony as their most wanted criminal speaks to the severity of the crimes and their authenticity.

Just a couple of years ago, George Clooney made an all out effort to have the governments of the world and entities such as the United Nations recognize the massacres in Darfur and to label it as genocide so that UN forces and the USA would step in and stop the atrocity. His was an uphill battle as he tried to engage governments with conflicting agendas and opposite word views. His direct advocacy, tied to a larger international movement, has actually affected real change and the founding of new country.

The Invisible Children team took a very different route. While trying the more typical advocacy, they were met time and time again with the attitude that the situation was unchangeable and encountered perceived apathy at every turn. This story just did not play well in a forum beset with other global priorities. So, they conceived a brilliant plan to go to the people at large to get them engaged. If people amass and press their case in sufficient numbers, in an election year in the US, some politicians may just decide to champion the cause!

The ongoing Arab Spring stretching from Tunisia to Egypt to Libya to Syria, and to a lesser extent the Occupy WallStreet Movement, beautifully demonstrate the power of the internet: the ability to stage protests and organize opposition that can topple what seemed like perpetual dictatorships!

These groups have embraced innovative strategies and exploited the internet to further their causes. Other charities and movements should embrace these visionaries for demonstrating the ability to engage millions of people worldwide in a matter of days! Invisible Children’s foundation may succeed or it may fail in the effort to capture Joseph Kony, but they must serve as an inspiration to us all about how technology and social media can further humanist causes and real democracy!

We at Tokii want to hear your opinions about this endeavor to capture Kony and to share your thoughts regarding past and current atrocities and the role individuals should play in countering them.

Also, we want to know how aligned couples are regarding their beliefs, opinions and the elements of support that they share and how they decide whether to get involved or not.
One of our Tokii members wanted us to explore the issue and we tried to approach it with sensitivity, respect and curiosity. You can read her concerns and our thoughts at AskTokii.

We have created two different DiscoveryGames at Tokii.com that we invite you to play as a couple or solo. Once you complete the games, you’ll be able to compare your answers with the community at large, a great way to continue the discussion on this tough topic. Explore your thoughts with My Global Responsibility DiscoveryGame and then discuss your position on what you both believe in regards to charitable donations by playing My Charity, My Choice DiscoveryGame.

Then make up your own minds, and act accordingly.
Until next time,
Karla,
Tokii Founder

If you enjoyed this article you might also enjoy:
AskTokii – My Charity, My Choice
Kony2012
The Kony 2012

In a day where the average American spends 5 hours per week in front of the television, how much can it hurt if some of the hours this week have been spent learning facts however, outdated, about Joseph Kony? What harm has “Invisible Children” actually caused by their video release? Col. Felix Kulayige, a Ugandan military spokesman said. “If people cared 15 years ago, then thousands of lives would have been saved and thousands of children would have stayed at home and not been kidnapped.” (CNN).

As frustrating as it is, it seems we are always behind. Fifteen years ago the world was only just hearing the stories about the 1994 Genocide in Rwanda, years too late.

The KONY2012 video has been accused of oversimplifying the situation in Uganda and other war torn areas of Africa. Of course it does, it’s a commercial, specifically designed to engage the minds of media savvy youth. It was never the intent of “Invisible Children” to put together a documentary. How many people watch documentaries? This video, in only few days, has been seen throughout the world and raised the awareness of the child soldiers and sex slaves beyond any other media method. Education and awareness are always the first step to motivate change. Filmmaker Jason Russell’s nonprofit group, Invisible Children- “It definitely oversimplifies the issue. This video is not the answer; it’s just the gateway into the conversation. And we made it quick and oversimplified on purpose,” he said. “We are proud that it is simple. We like that. And we want you to keep investigating, we want you to read the history.” (Reuters)

The Tumblr blog “Visible Children,” has received much attention for questioning the efforts of Invisible Children, they wrote on Wednesday that those social media tactics aren’t helping. “These problems are highly complex, not one-dimensional and, frankly, aren’t of the nature that can be solved by posturing, film-making and changing your Facebook profile picture, as hard as that is to swallow,” (Washington post). Social media is relatively new. The world has no idea how powerful it will end up being. Who would have thought that the radio would have been such a powerful tool of hope during World War II. Did Mark Zuckerberg imagine when he created Facebook that it would be considered a force of change in Libya in 2011?

There are serious concerns of a post-colonialism mentality and that Western countries believe that only they can solve the problems of Africa. This is valid and in a post-colonial world the countries of Africa do have to learn to solve their own problems. However, when Ethiopia suffered a famine in 1984 and the global community was flooded with horrifying images of starvation, there had to be a response. When the U.S. and other United Nations countries with veto powers refused help in Rwanda in 1994, the response of the world ten years later was outrage. As news of Sudan and Darfur became public a global response was expected and everywhere frustration was felt at the slow speed of action.

How do we know what is the correct way to deal with genocide, children as soldiers and rape of girls and women as a “benefit” for the troops? Is there a response that could be so wrong that it negates the wrong of the perpetrators?  None of us will ever agree with all the ways that our Governments, our charities, even our partners spend money, but it is our free will to research the financial records of an NGO and to decide who we will support.

There are no simple answers to solving the horrors of the world, I just know that I would rather be guilty of sending money to an organization the might get some of it wrong, than sit back years later and ask myself why I did nothing.

Christiane Amanpour of CNN said that Kony is “largely a spent force” however if the video can  “sensitize people, if a good chunk of them were in America, maybe one can educate through the viral nature of the social media.  As you know in America very few people have a daily diet of what’s going on in the world so sensitizing them is a good thing.” (CNN)

Start a dialogue, go to our DiscoveryGames

If you enjoyed this post, you should check out Ask Tokii – My Charity Choices – KONY2012

Tokii’s Discovery Game, Republican Primaries Potluck, asked men and women their opinions about how the Republican candidates are presenting themselves and what they consider to be most important. Overall, women indicated a lukewarm reception to the candidates while men showed stronger opinions.

Tokii’s Findings:

• Half of the men and 40% of the women who participated indicated that a candidate’s performance on a televised debate is important in his/her overall ability to lead a nation.
• Mitt Romney’s business acumen makes him a more appealing candidate in “fixing” America, half the men and 40% of women responded.
• 100% of men and 60% of women view Texas Republican Ron Paul as a radical or maverick when compared to the other candidates within his own party, because of his more liberal views and yet very few respondents see him as being out there on the fringe.
• Responses regarding Newt Gingrich were very polarized as half the men and 40% of the female participants think that Newt Gingrich is on the ropes as he has lost significant ground to Mitt Romney. However another 50% of men & 40% of women believe he still has a chance to regain momentum.
• Most men, 75%, and half the women responded that Rick Santorum’s strong support from the evangelical Christian groups gives him the potential to become the wildcard in the Republican race.

Play Tokii’s Discovery Game, Republican Primaries Potluck to show what you have to say about the republican’s opinions.

If you enjoyed this post, you should check out our other Current Event’s Posts