Tokii Lab

Oooh.  I LOVE it when we have JUST the resource already-in-place for people and couples who write in.  In this case, we recently published an article entitled “A Trip Around the World and Back for Less than 25 Bucks!”  Whether you use these particular ideas or not, it can help you get your creative, loving [...]

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Everybody needs a little advice now and then, and when it comes to sexual problems, Sex Diva Lucy has an answer for everything.  During her time working as a sexual therapist and her college job as a fetish model, Lucy has seen and heard everything.  Every week, Lucy will use her vast experience to make [...]

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In response to requests for Tokii to answer questions from members and the public at large in a frank and direct way, we have brought onboard, a tough talking, calls it like he sees it individual,  Straight Shooter Steve. From time to time, Steve will field your questions in his unique and blunt style. Be [...]

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50 Shades of Gray”? Curious about BDSM? Reggie and Kasi Alexander are writing partners (“Becoming sage,” “Saving sunni,” and “Clifftop Fantasies” as Cassidy Browning) as well as real-life Master and slave. They live the lifestyles that they write about and are passionate about sharing information and dispelling common misunderstandings concerning these relationship dynamics. They live [...]

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Usually, when someone is unwilling to make-love in the light, they’re ashamed of something they can only hide in the dark. If your boyfriend’s only sexual reticence is an aversion to sunlight, then, as you suspect, he is probably ashamed of his body. Body shame has grown exponentially among men in recent years.  Once considered [...]

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You are right, Sina, that there is nothing we can do about people and their opinions. We are all made up of different stuff, however, and have different levels of sensitivity to certain things. Sounds like your wife is really having trouble shaking the behavior and attitudes toward her at work. It’s understandable. Since these [...]

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Cam, I’ll start by saying this is a big deal.  You’ve been betrayed, and whatever the outcome, we don’t propose to make or break marriages in a small handful of advice-offering paragraphs.  What we do want to do is highlight some things that should help you and your partner reach a point where you can [...]

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You said you “recently” found out about his cheating. I think that explains part of what you are going through right now. Although the infidelity occurred a few years ago, for you it’s as if it just happened. In your mind and heart—and relative to the process of healing—he might as well have cheated last [...]

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Joanne, GOOD FOR YOU for attempting to see around corners (after all, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!). Despite some of the examples around you, I can assure you, and our Tokii staffers (aka: marriage cheerleaders!) will echo:  Not all marriages are doomed to scorekeeping, one-upping, and lack-of-appreciating.  Not only do [...]

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  Dazed and Confused, I have one word for you…boundaries. Some may call it expectations and others may call it standards. What you call it is irrelevant but what’s important is having them. Boundaries will determine how the relationship will move forward. While dating, there is an intense battle over relationship boundaries. How to deal [...]

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