Jeff,
Thanks for the great question. Secret blabbing probably doesn’t get any more fun than this. For starters, it isn’t just shy guys (or ladies) who get nervous about the first kiss with a new someone. Shyness may certainly compound the problem, but your “dilemma” is truly age-old. That said, may the slumber-party secrets be revealed… exactly… NOW!
So during the two-minute hand-hold, was your heart about to spring out of your chest? If so, you can be almost certain that she was feeling the same way. The “new love,” nervous-but-amazing energy between just one couple could run the city of New York during a power outage for at least 12 hours!
You’re probably aware of the old adage “You’ve got to crawl before you walk.” While we (“girls”) don’t require months, weeks or even days of crawling, we do appreciate things developing in appropriate order. If you’ve only held hands once, and only for two minutes, you need to find a good reason to hold hands for much longer (say, a movie?) and without awkward interruption (a too-short walk to the car). The nice, long hand-hold does a few things: one, it keeps the energy level rising; two, it lets us know you’re capable of tender affection rather than just the horny variety; and three, it communicates something we like to know – that you’re attracted to us and want to touch us in an affectionate way!
If you can find a reason other than a movie to settle in for a nice, long hand-hold this next time around, more power to you! The idea is that you start there, with the simple but out-of-this-world gesture of locking hands (don’t worry, I’m getting to the locking lips part). At this point, if she in any way refuses your gentlemanly gesture, or keeps finding a reason to awkwardly scratch her cheek with the hand you’re holding while the other one remains free, you may want to consider waiting for another time to go in for the first kiss. Assuming she’s in, though, an occasional squeeze of her hand or gentle swipe of her thumb with yours is a great way to pepper the hand-holding experience. Build-up is kind of key here, so again… make sure you are on a long walk, watching a movie together at home or in the theater, etc. where your first shows of affection have time to simmer in the sweetest way.
If you’re feeling great ju-ju and are at least 99% sure she’s accepting of your advances, it’s time to start planning the kiss. The biggest “girl secret” I can blow out of the water is probably this: If executed correctly, you don’t have to wait ‘til the good-bye for the kiss! That’s an urban legend, and has probably made (literally) millions of couples suffer mini anxiety attacks on the drive home from otherwise wonderful first or second dates. Such a shame, too, as it’s not only unnecessary, but also causes all of those awkward nerves on both parts! Do yourself (and your sweetie) a big favor and disarm the daunting nature of the dreaded-as-much-as-it-is-sought-after “good night kiss.” I suggest the following during-date “surprise attacks” when it comes to the first kiss:
- When you are opening her car door at some point on the date, just before she gets into the car (a gentle hand on her hip to let her know you’d like to linger before she bends to get in is a nice touch)
- Just after she returns from a bathroom break at some time during the date (this one is GREAT if you can stand a little PDA… and it doesn’t have to be a mac-session to end all mac-sessions, a gentle peck on the lips after a nice compliment about how nice she looks is a great way to punctuate a little time apart. The public peck can actually be great, too. It keeps it short, disarms the nerves, and revs you both up for a more private kiss later)
- In the car, after removing the keys from the ignition but before you get out to (insert date activity here, i.e., before you get out to go to dinner, ride bumper cars, head in for ice-cream after your flick, etc.)
- Any other time that is completely unexpected
The surprise smooch is great to a girl for so many reasons, but primarily, you’re aiming to sweep her off her proverbial feet without making her suffer the looooong, nervewracking drive home. (Seriously, even if it’s only 2 blocks, the nervous, pre-first-kiss-drop-off drive seems at least 2 hours!) The surprise kiss also communicates to a girl on some visceral level that – shy or not – you’re willing to stick your neck (and lips) out for and with her. Everyone knows the first move is a hard one, and she’ll be giddy that you suffered through the stifling anticipation to get to the lip-locking… all for her!
