Ewwwwwww!!! If this were a one time only situation I might suggest you lure him with a martini and a bubble bath….but, hey, that’s just a movie scene that doesn’t cut it in real life. No, my dear, in this kind of reality show you have to be bold and sometimes even brutal. But, more often, you have to say the tough stuff with love and tact—because that’s what true intimacy is all about.
To set the stage for this conversation, try inviting him to play the Tokii DiscoveryGame “From Then Till Now.” In addressing this ongoing issue, you’ll want to start with some positives—and feel free to go over-the-top. For example, the next time he steps out of the bath, crawl all over him, saying, “I am craaaazy about the way you smell when you’re fresh and clean and all soap-scented.” If that doesn’t spur him to scrub down more often, try a follow-up act, adding, “but I’m not so keen on your aroma after you’ve marinated for a whole day. I have a very sensitive nose, you know. ”
The fact is, some people just get riper faster than others – and women’s noses are legendary for being more sensitive than most men’s. Yet, what we each regard as an alluring scent varies. Maybe his last girlfriend thought that his skunkiest fragrance was the essence of animal sex appeal. So don’t assume he doesn’t care about you just because your sniffer doesn’t appreciate his musk. Also, keep in mind that if he was alone for a long time before you hooked up, he probably can’t even smell himself and has no awareness of being stinky. Once you bring it to his attention, he may do somersaults to make you happy.
If talking with him about these issues feels way too awkward, then you could resort to writing what I call a “Dear Piggy” letter—handwritten or email. With all the finesse you can muster, tell him how much you care and why you don’t want something so seemingly trivial—yet difficult for you to talk about—to come between you. You could add, “Baby, I love being close to you, but, I need to tell you, at the end of the day when the tension and grime of the office has taken its toll, I’m not so crazy about the odors that cling to you. It’s a nasty, dirty world out there, isn’t it? So, my handsome sexy beast, would you do me a favor and jump in the shower before you jump on me?”
Now, what kind of man could say “no” to that?
2012 Joy Davidson. Ph.D.
If you liked this post, you should check out the other Ask Tokii’s.