Dear Turned-On,
Just because she’s keeping quiet, don’t presume that she’s opposed to talking. Sometimes women are reticent to do it because thinking about what to say takes them away from their bodily sensations. Your girlfriend might be in a highly receptive, non-verbal zone during sex, which makes it hard to form whole sentences at all, let alone the kind she isn’t accustomed to saying. One way to help her is to feed her questions. During foreplay, as you’re teasing her, ask her what she wants you to do next. Or, during sex, ask her to tell you how it feels. If she tends to answer with one or two words, tell her you want to “hear her say it.” For instance, if you ask, “how does it feel when I touch you here?” and she says, simply, “fantastic,” then say, “Tell me that it feels fantastic when I finger your pussy. I want to hear you say the words.” She might get very turned-on by your “making her” say such things, but even if it feels mostly awkward at first, you’ll be accomplishing two things: First, you’ll be helping her “practice” talking dirty. Second, sexy talk will slowly seem almost natural, and over time hot phrases will spill more smoothly from her lips.
Here are a few additional hints:
*Read erotica aloud to each other. It will be a turn-on at the very least, and in the process your girlfriend will have a chance to speak lots of sexy lines, minus the pressure to come up with snappy sentences of her own. You’ll find a variety of stories in any one of the annual “Best Women’s Erotica” series published by Cleis Press. Or, click here for tons of read-aloud possibilities.
*Exchange sexy texts or e-mails. Start easy, with a short text asking, “what turned you on the most last night?” Sometimes it’s easier to write explicitly at first, before graduating to hot talk.
*Play the Tokii DiscoveryGame “Dirty Favorites”-–or any of the other sexy options—with this twist: make sure you take turns reading aloud all the questions and possible answers, as well as your choices.
Now, go have some fun!
If you liked this post, you should check out the other Ask Tokii’s.
